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I'm pretty sensitive. I've always been one to take things on board, blame myself easily etc etc which has lead to low self esteem. I'm getting better as I get older but time and time again I find that I am agressively hanging onto bad experiences and using them as excuses to go... well nowhere!

This letting go issue is really bugging me this year. I've been affirming that I get better with letting go all the time but it's just not shifting yet. Patience I know!

Have you had difficulty letting go in the past? I spoke to a guy a few years ago about it and asked how he lets go so easily... he replied *shrug*"ya just let go!" Very bloody helpful!

But I couldn't explain in depth how to walk to someone who couldn't either! Stand up and put one leg in front of another just wouldn't cut it!

So, if you have had difficulty, if it's something you have had to work at. I'd love to hear it. Books, vids, whatever. Maybe I need to go around the problem. For example, grow in confidence and the letting go will be easier because I won't be so afraid... I dunno. Exercises of the mind.

xoxoxo

Jen....how exactly have you been affirming getting better about letting go....I mean what's the wording you're using?

If you don't word it right you can end up actually attracting the thing you're trying to remove.

If you're focusing on letting go you'll empower NOT letting go.

And fear of something only draws it closer to you.

Am I makin sense here?

John

I've been keeping it very basic John,

Every day I get better and better of letting go

xoxoxo

Jen, what happens when you hold onto things?  Why do you feel the need to let them go?

Hey Jen,
Brief response cos my computer has died and I am on limited time at the library!

I could really relate to your post about not letting go of stuff and taking things on board.  What I find really helpful is to practice mindfulness and focus on the present moment.  For example, when I am doing the dishes my mind might be going over the days events, my fears/worries, what someone said to me or didn't say, what I said or didn't say, etc.  So I bring my attention to being mindful of the task of doing the dishes and the rest of the stuff leaves my head.  Whenever my mind wanders, I just kindly acknowledge that it has wandered (not berate myself for doing it) and bring my attention back to the present moment.  Or I focus on my breath - meditation stuff, ya know?

When I am with others I can get very self-conscious and something I find really helpful in overcoming this is to remind myself of my connection to everything and everyone in the universe (instead of focussing on the separateness).

Hugs,
Jack
xx

Hullo Sanga! I hold onto them to keep myself safe. but they do not apply now. lt really doesn't matter that this or that happened in primary school, or that when i was 14 I was tripped in the corridor at school by someone else, or that my aunt caused a family blow out that makes my blood boil to this day, or that my grandmother who is now dead was such a cow etc.

I guess I want to let them go because once I get started I get fixated on the emotion of that time. When I think about my aunt for example I still want to punch her really hard, my ex... intense fear of not being safe, of Grandma, having to bottle what I say even though she is being so deliberately awful to and about everything and everyone. You know?

Just to let these go, or to let the emotion of the events go would be wonderfully uplifting!

Heya Jackie, Great tips. I will take them on board. I can focus. It will take practice but I can do it! How are you going with it? It sounds like you are doing really well.

xoxoxo

Jen,
I have been working on the same thing.. apparently EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is a great tool for this, and quick and easy to learn and use, too. I'm sure some rp member can come up with good explanations or links, as I'm so new to it... Basically you tap certain points of your body while stating certain affirmations or words in specific ways. :)

Personally I feel a need to change my thought patterns, or even life perspective. If I could trust that I will be able to manifest whatever I want (and be able to return the money I would have to borrow)... I would get one of the many hundreds-of-dollars-priced programmes out there, probably The Sedona Method or even Gerard O'Donnell's products. On this subject (spirituality if you like..), too, I know there are several people on these boards who have come far.

Another of those "programmes" out there is 'Busting Loose from The Money Game' (Robert Scheinfeld). Anyone have experience with this? I just found the book - same title and author, and got the electronic version. Of course it's not really about money... ;)

Jennie I have been explaining this in past about TLT etc, You were hiding in the organic farm that day ?


The principle is, that from every negative (as well as positive) experience we need to learn.

The fact of the need to learn is actually the reason, that those experieneces "happened" to us - that we really ordered them to be presented with learning lecture.

If at the time we do not learn anything, or we learn only partialy or we think we learn burt really only create the false explanation - usually the blame of others etc, than the learning is not done.


So the lecture is not finished and is waiting for us to deal with, when we ready, this is achieved by attaching some uncomfortable emotions to this topic.


whenever subconsious think, that we have notrhing better to do, we are presented randomly with unresolved issues - with unlearned lesson etc.

If we supresse it it will come later.

If the learning is not done, You cant let it go, it will keep bugging You.

If some forced technique is used to dismiss the issue far away, that the life will present us with the situation again perhaps with very strong emotional turmoil, in much more difficult situation etc till there is no escape and we have to learn teh lesson.

If the lesson is not learned, next life is repeating the same grade, but with stricter teacher.


TLT is usin very efficient technique to get quickly to the real issue and to get the full learning and only than letting go of the emotional conection to than situation.


If not having the TLT available, perhaps meditation with teh question - what I am suposed to learn from this,
why I have choosen this particular lesson - life situation experience ?


Often when teh learning happens (AHA moment), the emotions dissapears on its own, since is no longer needed, and also since we realize, that we actualy needed the lesson so nobody did to us anything wrong, they just did they part of the teaching contract.

Read : Zero Limit by Joe Vitale

Is that assuming time is a linear thing? Past life, this life, future life.  Maybe that grade was already repeated to a more understanding outcome before, but the ground work is now, for what has come before? Can past be next?

Doesn't have to be next life...it can be next week....lol.

Time is "compressing" anyway....in the sense of urgency and in technology explosions and all sorts of things./

John

This could get interesting...why is time compressing?

Our current point in the evolution of mankind is refered to (if ur biblicaly inclined) by a Greek word, that eludes me at the moment, that means "birthpangs" or if you like..."contractions"...

Imagine if your pregnant for 9 months and the birth process arrives heralded by increasingly short contractions...in that sense time compresses because that's precisely where humanity is presently (In a birthing process).

It's an individual and global thing.

There's just so much too this...wrong thread mebe...

John

John, we know what to do :

breath, breath, breath !

(I am skipping teh cigar bit).


Melb, the linera or not time is not really teh issue here.

If the person has emotional issue with the lessson, which implyes teh learning was not done,


than this will have to hapen either now or other time, the easiest concept is the next time.


Yes John next week, however lots of people would do anything not to deal with it this life at all cost, so the next week lesson will not be solved anyway, so it si going to be next life.


If You track down some cases You will find out, that the leson in this life is not from the very last previous life but perhasp from 2 lives before or 5 or going thousands of years and many lives, since the soul decided to do other subject first, before attacking the maths again.


so the stuff unsolved this life might come not next life in linear order but in next life as few lifes later.


However this is now complicated since the Earth energy will change in a way so no more negative expoeriences.


Basicaly You deal with it now, or You will do some extra stuff in heaven to catch up, because next time on this Earth there is no going to be any lessons like that it will get much harder.

For theiose souls not completing teh kindergarten development this life and perhaps in heaven after it and stubornly requiring the next reincarnation with difficult condition and negative energies, they will be send to other planet in universe, where the negative stuff is still going on.


If You force the nonlinearity concept and You go to the past so to speak, You can change the learning and emotion in some past situations completely so Yopu can go to past and learn there and not have to wait for the future.


However if You have already done this, than in the present You will no longer have the emotional probs with the situation at all or the situation would not have happened, You childhood memory would have changed, because lots of negs would not have happened.


So take Jennie as an example if she goes to past - many lives ago and changes the outcome there of relevant situation, - getting all the learning and disconecting teh negative emotion from it, she will realize next day, her mother was not a cow but a lioness (or some other animal), but perhaps not an angel, she would realize she might have some complete different negative emotion going on, since different mother would serve different lesson
not necceesasarily the happy holiday after graduation ceremony.

For a second there Rudy I thought you were giving me a meditation lesson...lol.

Much in your last post Rudy...I agree with it all....just from a different angle.

John

Hey there Rudy, I've thought of TLT but honestly, I don't think I can relax enough for it. I kind of panic before I get to that stage... I'm pretty sure from what you described that I had TLT in my early 20's. I can't remember a lot of it though. I was in shock at the time. Yes, for months!

Lessons from the past. I'm a full believer in it. However I don't think that's the case every time. I want to let go. Most of these issues have not come up for years! I taught myself to hang onto things and I have become an expert at it.

Perhaps the lesson is simply to let go?

Perhaps if I do something that John mentioned not long ago and just learn to let love in I will let go! Or let trust in.

Here's an email that I got yesterday from a friend... it has some stuff about holding on in it. It's beautiful and inspiring.

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water?"
Answers called out ranged from 8oz. To 20oz.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter.  It depends on how long you try to hold it."   

"If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.  If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.   
 

If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance."

"In each case it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.  When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. "

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work/life down.  Don't carry it home.  You can pick it up tomorrow."

"Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can.  Relax; pick them up later after you've rested.
 
Life is short.  Enjoy!"

And then he shared some ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

1 * Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue

2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

4 * Drive carefully.  It's not only cars that can  be recalled by their Maker.

5 * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

8 * Never buy a car you can't push.

9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

10 * Nobody cares if you can't dance well.  Just get up and dance.


11 * Si nce it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.


12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.

13 * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

14 * Birthdays are good for you.  The more you have, the longer you live.

15 * You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

17 * We could learn a lot from crayons.  Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull.  Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour..

I feel like I've been holding the glass of water forever. My arm is going to drop off! LOL. Perhaps this means that I am coming closer to something big. That will force me to let go. Now I've had that thought, I'm terrified! Petrified as well that I'll create it. Must do some strong affirming for peace... gosh.

xoxoxox

Thanks Rudy for that information - this is where I get confused...when I am experiencing a situation that keeps running like a broken record through my head and I try to bring my attention to the present moment instead of focusing on the situation, then what you are saying is that I am suppressing it? 

I can hear what you are saying about DEALING with the emotions and feelings surrounding the issue but do you suggest there are times when it is ok to not focus on it and to bring the focus to the present?

Hugs,
Jacki

Jen...can I take the gloves off with you....just for a moment...(and punch you with love he he).

I take a deep breath and meditate for a lil while before I say this Jen....then I shall type...

This is what comes to me (you be the judge):



You are too hard on yourself.....you expect so much from yourself...you beat yourself up....you are comfortable within the very turmoil that causes you pain and distress.

You are courageous and fearfull all at one moment.

You scatter yourself and your energies...it's almost deliberate.

You know deep down if you focused yourself....(you can answer that Jen)...

You know what just "came" to me then Jen....I had to break off from that meditation....because YOU already know...you know....

Now I know...that you know......lol

Grow the know Jen.

Grow the know.

John

Jacki

simple answer would be, it is OK to push it away and deal with it other time, but it realy needs to dealt with, so not pushing it away for year and years.


However if the old memory - the old emotion comes to the attention, it usualy means, that subconsiouss thinks,
it is as good time as any to solve it, the subconsious is usually right, it knows how and when to pick those moments


Jennie I have feeling, that You trying to avoid the resolutions...


also I doubt You had real TLT session from Your description...


Here is the simple test, If the negative emotion keps comming back, it means the issue was not solved was not learned.


If the complete learning was done, the memory would either never come back, or would come back only as a neutral or sometimes even positive emotions.


So ask Yourself Jennie, do You know exactly, why You needed to have a cow for a mother ?

When You get the full learning and reasons, than You will never ever remeber Your mum with negative emotions conected and would be greatfull for having her as mum...

It is basicaly the decision of the free will _ do I wanna that person from the past be my lifelong enemy ? and I am deciding to keep the fear, anger, hatereat etc...


or do I decide today that I do not want this person as enemy and am not afraid to feel love and appreciation for the rest of my life.

In case of the positive switch, teh person needs to be carefull not to fall into guilt trap - not to feel guilty about hating that operson till now etc or being so late with switching to love etc.

So Rudolf, is it only when the memory also brings a negative emotion with it that we need to deal with it?  When we have a memory come up that also brings with it a positive or neutral emotion, then we can choose to return our attention to the present moment without negative consequences??

xx

yes Jacki, the issue is allways the negative emotions, that creeates physical, mental, emotional blocks etc...

If You have pleasant positive memories, that of course You simply enjoy them, and if You too busy to enjoy happy memories, than of course You can choose to do something else instead, but why would You ?
simply enjoy

That says you don't want to let go, you will only let go if forced, and if you are forced, you'll probably pick it up again as soon as no-one is looking because you don't want to let it go.  Not wanting to let go is not a good place to do affirmations from.

Choice - there are 2 long term options - hold on or let go. In the short term, if you're not ready to let go, you can at least adjust your grip so it's not quite so uncomfortable.  You can make things difficult, fight whatever doesn't match what you're expecting, or if it is just what you expect; or you can hold it more comfortably, begin to appreciate all the benefits holding onto it has brought you, and you might be ready to adjust the grip a bit more, and eventually you're not holding it.  Things don't HAVE to be a breakthrough, they can be a gradual realisation, a soft Aha! moment, turning the light up a bit brighter, getting the focus a bit clearer, seeing everything else around it that is related, shift the grip, shift the focus. If you still need to have it at eye level almost covering your entire field of vision, at least put it up on a pedestal so you can give your arms a rest! Then you might be able to step back from it a bit further :)

Funnily enough, since you wrote this, two others have told me the self same thing. Hmmmmm. Yes I am hard on myself. But not as hard as I used to be. I'm getting better.

Yes to focus is key. If I could focus on forgiving, moving on, letting go... who knows?

Rudy, I'm not at all sure I agree, or disagree actually. I'm having a hard time grasping the concept. To let go, we must first understand exactly why we are hanging on, only then can we let go. However some of these things could be choices I've made several lifetimes ago. That can be fixed with meditation or TLT.

The ability to focus comes to play again! A disciplined mind is a happy mind! Perhaps or perhaps no.

Melb I had to think about your post and still am! I understand what you are saying. Look at things from a perspective that brings gratitude. If I must hang on then make it easier on myself. Which goes back to my reply to John, be easier to myself.

I often feel that I have been pushed or forced into many areas of life. The raw path for example. Several times I came across raw until I finally had to eat that way (because my body would not accept other foods), kids, I never planned to have them. I feel like emotionally I was not balanced enough to have children and not giving enough of myself to have children. Both of mine were what we call happy accidents' when tact is needed and 'the results of too much alcohol and not enough rubber' when tact is not needed.

Yes I know there are ways I could have not had children but I couldn't bring myself to do that with these two. But I really do feel like I was pushed to have them and at a certain time too. According to the medical community there is no way known I could fall preggers at that time of my cycle. Ha!

Perhaps it is my habit to not take action until I am forced. I need to make a new agreement with myself. To go with the flow! To strive to move forward. I don't know. Perhaps a combination of meditation and affirming what I just said would make it easier to do what Rudy suggests?

I know, only I know but I find out so much quicker with help!

Thanks for posting and thanks John for the 'love punch'! LOL

xoxoxo

Jen....really....if you look at it....everyone who has replied to this thread has pretty much said the same thing.

Different words.

Different perspectives.

Different experiences.

Different angles.

Same things.

Draw a circle....in the middle place a dot....360 Degrees....360 views....all looking at the same dot.

John

Yeah, it's the same dot! She just needs to figure out which view/approach works for her  :laugh:  It's all rephrasing the same dot.


market research shows it takes 3 forms of communication before someone really will take action (eg one letter box drop is no use at all; 3 letter box drops is better; one letter box drop, one radio/tv spot, one magazine ad, all saying the same thing 'buy me!!!' but it takes the layers to make the impact.

Hmmmm....yes and no Melb....lol.

If I'm not in the market for the product one million letterbox drops will end up in the bin.

If I'm in the market one might just do it.

;-)

But yeah....it's the same dot....and one day we all have to deal with that dot.

Sometimes....ya (anyone) has to stop running around looking for answers and motivation from others and confront the dot. At the end of the day any personal development or motivational speaker or guru or whatever can only ever do (and be) one thing for any of us...a signpost.

The dot awaits....and it can only ultimately be approached alone.

John

Hey Jen,

I'm not sure if this will be of any help, but it is along the lines of some of the other posts but I know this way of thinking about it has helped me in the past.

I have a very difficult family, and quite often they say things that are negative and hurtful, and generally I hold on and hold on to those negative hurtful things and they can spiral out of control in my head until it is such a big deal.

So, I do 2 things.

At the time, if someone says something that is hurtful, that hurts me, call them on it, right then.  Not agressively.  A simple, that was hurtful, I don't feel it was nice, I'm a sensitive person and that doesn't "mesh" with me.  Generally what I find is that saying it right then means that you have little to hold on to, most people won't push you when you are upfront and honest about where you are at.

The second is to remember that everyone else is on their own life journey, not on yours, they have their own agendas and their own lessons to learn.  So sometimes the things they say and do will not be a reflection of you but rather where they are at.  Also try to be mindful about where they are coming from, sometimes we can get so wrapped up in our hurt that we forget theirs, on the other hand sometimes people can just be right proper twats...

I know that this is probably a less philosophical and more simple response than the others, and it may not help at all.  But I'm new here, and I've read so many posts from you and you are so sweet and kind and seem to have the biggest heart that I just want you to nurture it. 

J

Streamline116,

that is very good, it is great defence strategy, and should be used by every adult.
That is to stop any new damage.

However (there is always however if there is no but, 2 most important english words)

the damage from past lives and from childhood is already there, and I think, that is what Jennie is adressing ?

Jennie, as far as my experience, it's been amazing to observe how powerful seeing the issue can be. Seeing has helped me to overcome a number of various things. These are very personal issues, probably not appropriate for me to discuss them on a general forum, and very hard for me to get into any meaningful details too, so let me just say that one of those was being manipulated by a parent, and another being brought up in a society where hitting kids was a norm. I am free of both! :laugh:

When I am completely in the moment, completely aware, completely observing the in and out, see what is, then letting go occurs. Like during meditation, when the thoughts arrive, I acknowledge them, see them, completely and fully, and lthen et them go. Aaaa....

Gosia

OK so lets get more practical :

Jennie here is teh homework, pick the issue which is bugging YOu all teh time, take a clean list of paper, devide in 2 equal parts and start writing :

on 1 side, all the reason - what will improve how You would benefit what You will gain, by letting this issue go and dissapearing from Your life for ever

on the other side write down all the reason why You need to keep it, what You would loose if You let go, for are the negatives of letting it go.
write whatever comes to mind, and keep doing it for few days, sometimes YOuw wil get reason in sleep while doinmg the dishes exercising etc, Do not stop if the paper is full start another...

keep it for Yourselves, I am not asking You to come public with it.

Ok, Gosia thank you for your post and Streamline too. In fact thank you to everyone for their posts. I was chatting to John today, splash!, and on the phone admitted that I am reading all this, can tell it's in English but the posts are scrambled by the time they get to my brain where I make sense of it all.

So I'm just going to go over this thread again for the next day or two or three until I get it.

Rudy, I understand this last bit. Will do!

xoxoxo

Hey John, this has been playing over and over in my mind. Then I read almost the exact words in my Florence book and something similar in Yogananda's book. Hmmm... I've been keeping to myself more lately so far as 'problems' go and am finding a surge in confidence.

It's nice! Thank you.

xoxox

Lol Jen...I hear ya...I've been ultra busy for the last week (hence no posts).

And Oxygen splashes back in! Howdy doody John?

xoxoxox

Since I have been keeping myself to myself so much and not running after advice from everywhere except within there have been some profound changes in my little life! Mostly I've become more grounded. I'm not so flighty and mood swingy.

My tastes have changed in what I read.

My confidence has taken a turn for the better. I'm a lot more settled in my thoughts.

I'm happier with quiet. In fact I'm craving it.

I'm glad I've stopped gossiping about my problems. It just added energy to them and gave them life to grow and continue. I guess the next lesson will be to learn when to go to others for help, who to go to for what and not to become to self reliant.

xoxoxo

ahhhhhhhhhhh i hear ya...my sister...i hear ya

look at you go ms jenery...grounded self assured,confident in your own decisions////////////awesome chick awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yup theres plenty of genuine people who like to help with your personal growth progress..but plenty who just like to see pain and unrest...and anyone can read it here,and it can be kind of creepy when you think about it!

Well done Jen. Words can't express my joy for you at your breakthrough - isn't it an amazing feeling when we get to a lookout on the mountain!

I enjoyed reading your 5 gratitudes too, a timely reminder to count my blessings, thank you.

Thank you lovely ladies! It's a wonderful feeling to let go of the need to go to others for advice about every little thing!

Feeling good.

I understand what you say Neet. I think too there are a lot of people who would genuinely like to be helpful but are in such a bad way themselves that the advice can be waaaay off track and potentially damaging. It's nice to be able to have a little base around me and love the rest anyway.

Savvy I'm glad you enjoyed my gratitiudes. What a marvellous thread by the Bee. Where is she anyway dammit? She comes here and spreads her fabulosity and passion around for a bit and then buzzes back out again! LOL.

xoxoxo

it's very easy to get caught up in the drama rather than just witness something and let it go.  Sounds like you've made quite a shift there :)

It's been a wonderful and scary ride Melb. I'm profoundly more happy and at peace. And on the other hand there is so much more to learn. I feel more stuff coming up but fortunately I am learning more and more all the time how to Let Go!

Wonderful.

xoxoxo