LOVE in all it's forms, is the very essence of our being, its the most incredible and yet simple gift that can ever be given, without love we can not live, emotionally, spiritually or even physically...

much Love to all xx

Hey Berry,
thanks so much for posting those recipes! Im seeing a big raw 'non' baking session in the very near future

leif xx

Hey RC-just stay strong girl and keep your eyes firmly focused on that light at the end of the tunnel!

And also...Thanks Jim! I think you may have just single-handedly squashed my own chocolate addiction which likes to flare up on occassion with that delightful breakdown of the how this 'treat' blindly consumed by many is created!

Hey guys, thankyou all for your loving words and encouragement,

good day today , I so desperately wanted to go 100% raw overnight, however I am not going to be hard on myself this time for small slip ups, its about being gentle with myself this time round and that means i must learn to not judge but love myself unconditionally.

Back on to my green smoothies again, ahh I just feel so alive when my tummy is full with gs! 
It amazes me how closed minded people are! The amount of times I have been asked what that s#*t is that im eating by people downing cans of coke and engulfing down meat pies I always smile, explain what it actually is and offer them a taste, this is usually still received with a look of disgust but hey each to their own, on the occassion when someone does take a HUGE risk and try some, low and behold...THEY LOVE IT!! 

was at work today and one of the ladies there was talking about her 2 year old girl and how she thinks she may be lactose intollerant, so what she is trying to do is actually ween her little girl onto dairy!!! will we humans ever learn?...

much love in RAW

peace x

IT IS TIME..taken from 'The Lion King' (one of my fav movies ) I feel that this is a truley fitting title for my new direction in raw and life in general.
Sitting up watching the 90th birthday celebration's for the absolutely amazing MR. NELSON MANDELA...just writing his name sends shivers zigging throughout my body (yes he and what he stands for seriously has such a strong effect on me) I thought...'girl, what are you doing?!!!!!!' I am blessed to know so many truths, regarding raw, life and my future I am to travel and yet out of the fear to exerperience greatness I continue to throw it away!! I know all this and yet I continuely make the same mistakes over and over and over again.
NO MORE!!!!!! today is a new day (by 2minutes ) and my new life is beginning. No more fighting, no more fear, no more sadness and self loathing only joy.
I CHOOSE[/[/i]color] to surround and allow myself joy, love, blissfulness and a happiness I never thought I deserved!!! I CHOOSE all this because I DO deserve it and only when I can give all this to myself then (and only then) will I be able to reach people and make a difference beyond that which i can not even comprehend.

I feel like I am about to burst with an overflowing of love and appreciation
RAW LOVE TO EVERYBODY ON THIS SITE although I have rarely posted here in the past I have often wondered around on the boards and can truthfully say that you have all influenced and inspired me. and for that I THANK YOU


I shall leave now with one of my favourite quotes from MR. NELSON MANDELA himself.


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is
that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?...

Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

As quoted by Mr. N. Mandela

Hey Stine,
I was just reading through your journal and wanted to say what an inspiring beautiful person you are, I can relate so well to all that you have written, feeling like you dont fit in.

I just wanted to say though that We are not black sheep (as I felt for many many years) but beautiful RAINBOW  sheep!! (as my family calls me) .  So very different from other people and yet so very very unique and special.
To be a black sheep is such a sinister thing, but to be a RAINBOW Sheep is so amazing, beautiful and exciting!!!

much love
leif

peace

aloha!

I cant wait until i finish my exams and can spend some proper time on here and read and write in everyones post, but until then I must make do with quick peaks every now and then.

Jen thankyou for your lovely message, you didnt need to write a long elaborate post, what you said was so beautiful, you will never know how much those words meant. thankyou

emi, thanks for dropping in and sending me those positive vibes, i truely felt them, at one stage during the exam i was stuck on a question, could not recall the answer, so i sat there for a few moments and let my thoughts be still and what should happen but the answer floated to the top!!!!

Im back following 100% raw again, I can feel my body thanking me for it, i think it is also helping create a clearer mind for my exam revision. that being said however I am trying very hard not to beat myself up if i slip up, escepically at the moment in my high stress state, i dont want negative thoughts crowding my mind. I must be gentle.

love to all
leif xx


 

cant be long, must get back to revision, but I have my first exam today at 2pm...am nervous beyond belief!...please pray for me and if your not the praying type then please send me lots of positive energy!

thanks
leif xx

Thankyou Nuberry, yes healing is a long journey involving a great de eal of trust, patience and a whole lot of love, for ourselves, for others and to allow others to love ourselves. I am still learning how to do this again but know that i will make it out the otherside eventually.

I am so honoured to think that my story has helped you in your own path of healing.

much love. Leif xx

Thankyou garfield,
I was going to come on here and take down my story when I read your message and realised how much my life may help others. thankyou for your kind understanding words and healing vibes, I can feel the love and prayers.

I really didnt time this whole mind, body and spirit healing thing too well. Last thing I feel like is revising physics and the acousitic impedance of anatomical structures blah blah blah.

Today has been a good day, made a delish GS.... pineapple, golden kiwi, frozen boysenberry and spinach..yummmmm
went for a run this arvo and came across my first snake for the summer
I AM TERRIFIED OF SNAKES!!!! lets just say I turned around and high-tailed it out of their pretty damn fast!
other than that been busy study, study, study, gosh ill be so happy when this is all over

going to the adelaide christmas pagent tomorrow!!!  Im such a kid and I LOVE CHIRISTMAS!!

off to bed now
leif xx

peace

I was so scared opening my journal today, scared of what I had faced as i poured my heart out, scared of how i would be perceived and scared of what my next step towards healing would be.   

Berry and John.... well didnt you turn me into an emotional wreck today.
After reading your beautiful, compassionate, healing words Berry I had tears streaming down my cheeks and had broken out in a cold sweat. I could feel your love resonating through my computer screen and yearned to reach back out to you and just be enveloped in your hug, feeling safe, un-judged and understood.
In took me a good hour to just lay in the grass and breath, allowing my emotions to simply flow. After I felt calmed, I then read Johns post and was equally taken aback by your clear, wise, loving words... As BB said, a true gift, but it also meant that I needed time again to compose myself. 
So I would like to thank you both for holding my hand if only for this small part of my journey, (even though due to your inspirational posts and consequent reation I didnt achieve any exam study this afternoon, but as you said John is all about perspective...)

I woke up this morning after one of the most restful, cleansing sleeps I have had in a very long time, with a new resolve to simply keep walking foward, each step regardless of size is one towards healing, health and my future.

this post has been long enough but I wanted to share with you all one of my favourite quotes which I read everyday, so many quotes have these huge philosophical element to them but this one is simply REAL, and because of it I feel is even more powerful.....



As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that
was not supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probably more than once
and it is harder every time. You will break hearts
too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You will fight with your best friend. You will blame a new
love for things an old one did. You will cry because
time is passing too fast, and you will eventually lose
someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh
too much, and love as if you have never been hurt
because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a
minute of happiness you will never get back.

Do not be afraid that your life will end,
be afraid that it will never begin.

- Anonymous

thankyou
leif
xx

Thankyou Jen and BB for your kind words,
_________________________________________________________
I am writing this with tears streaming down my face but I feel that I need to get it all out and it is much easier for me to speak to a computer screen than a person...

I am terrified at the moment of once again becoming consumed by the problems of my past. Mentally, I know how far I have come over the past year but at the same time there are I lot of hurts and damage which i have not even begun to deal with and it is much easier to push it back down again.

I am that person on the outside who is always bubbly and cheerful, as a young child i was given the nickname of 'smiley kylie' and all of my friends say that to this day most have never seen me upset. The problem is people dont seem to be able to deal with it when they do see me sad so for their sake I dont show it.

I have spent my entire life being told that there are great plans for me, that I am one of those 'gifted' people who have a light all of their own. I have been approached on a number of occassions by people who have observed that people dont stand with me, they stand around me...I feel blessed, but that is a lot to live up to.

My life took a dramatic turn 10 days after my 8th birthday, my 6 1/2 year old brother, who was also my best friend and soul mate, left me to become an angel in heaven after a tragic accident on our farm where he was trapped in a ute as it was on fire. I was devastated and now alone without the one person who meant the absolute world to me. At the funeral I snuck into the church and slipped my hand into his coffin, he was wrapped in his sleeping bag so that you couldnt see him, but what i felt when i touched what was his face still haunts me today.
Mum recalls me telling her not long after he died that i needed to live for two people now, big words for an 8 year old but this feeling is still with me today with the need to achieve so much in my life to make up for what my brother missed and because i never know when its going to be over.

The following years were terribly hard, my parents did an amazing job given the circumstances but life had most definitely changed. What made it harder was being in a small country community were people didnt know how to deal with such a tragedy. Over time people moved on, this made it harder for me as being so young my memories started to fade, I honeslty lived in absolute fear of forgetting my brother and even now cling desperately to the few specific moments in time I have. He does come to visit me sometimes though, in my dreams he will pop in saying 'hey smiles, just came to say hello...'.

Then at the age of 18 I was rapped, it was by somebody I knew and because of this it was a long time before I was able to understand it for what it was. I have always had a strong faith and had always been ademant that i was going to save myself for my husband one day. But after this experience I was just so hollow and lost that I thought , 'well if men can treat me like that then I can be just as cruel to them'. Consequently these actions led me to slip further and further into my own self hatred. I am 22 now and have never been able to be in a relationship as I simply cant bring myself to realy on, trust or be close to anyone. the moment of any sign of of affection i run the other way.

My depression, eating disorder and cutting also begun at this time. I was trapped, alone and felt like there was no one who understood me. My brain would continually scream at me and I didnt know how to deal with it. There were times when i would be curled up in the middle of my room begging for deliverance from my pain. The disorder was my way of shifting my focus from this pain into my own secret world and obsession. The cutting would calm me down and would remind me that I was still able to feel.

Although my parents were aware of my depression, I have never been able tell them about the rape, I could not do that to them, my darling farther in particular would never be able to deal with it, consequently apart from telling one other person, i have carried that with me until now. thankyou.

Please after reading this dont think that i am some self centred person. I am incredibly aware of other peoples feelings and what is going on in the rest of the world.That is part of the reason why I feel like I have no right to be sad. I become consumed and overwhelmed with guilt for all that I have and feel I dont deserve.  I am a real humanitarian and hope to move to africa were I can make a difference and would love to work for the amazing and inspirational Mr. Nelson Mandela and his work with the child victims of AIDs. I have so much love for everyone and everything else that sometimes i struggle to save some for myself.

I know I have much to work through, particularly in building my belief in my own self worth, I know I need to take small steps inorder to do this because when I try to run too fast I always seem to trip myself up. Its a slow process but looking back on the past year i cry when I can see how far I have come.

I truly am so blessed in this life and am so appreciative of every moment.

sorry for the long post, it just all came out but I feel a lot calmer after releasing it all. I am shaking at the moment about to click the 'post' button, but there is no future in the past and i must keep walking forward.

thankyou
leif

Im in Adelaide but only for another 2 weeks, then im moving up to mackay in queensland for a year to eat MANGOES!!!!

Hey,

The animal Liberartion victoria site sells the 'eat death' tshirts! its says there are limited stocks though so get in quick..

http://www.alv.org.au/shop/tshirts.php

the cruelty free shop also sells badges and magnets with the image on it

http://crueltyfreeshop.com.au/?main_page=index&cPath=4_41_49

oh and berry if you look in the leisure section in accessories there is a really cute kids tshirt saying 'club veg' which your little chicken may like

hope that helps


edited to makes links clickable

Hello all,
Im back, after 2 weeks of 100% raw I had, umm.... lets just call it a little slip up.
It was brought about by a lot of negative thoughts and feelings towards myself which ultimately led to me slipping back into my eating disordered ways varying from severe restricting to the other extreme of binge/purge. Not a happy last few weeks.

but anyway, sorry about that, you all dont want to read about my problems so lets keep this a more positive post. Im busy doing exam revision at the moment, 3 more exams then im finished uni FOREVER!!! woohoo! there were times when i didnt think i was going to make it but now im here i look back and cant believe how fast the past 3 years have gone.

anyway better get back to the books.

peace