Raw pizza salad sounds divine. As well as strawbies with lettuce; I have a dozen lettuces in my garden just begging to be eated. They're SO MUCH more sexy than any lettuce in Coles! 

I had a long talk with my man this morning about 'stuff' of the D&M variety. As opposed to previous relationship, I think (following Sach-man's recent posts) I have to open up to what a REAL marriage and a REAL relationship is all about.

Something in me just gave and the fear went away. Being honest with my boy did something really good between us too. (He even told me he'd try a raw dinner or two, pending his approval [!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!] It's a start - baby steps, baby steps!)

I even 'fessed up to my mum, who has EXTREMELY conservative food ideas. And I mean REALLY REALLY conservative ideas. And for the first time in all my born years she didn't lecture me! Maybe universe is trying to tell me something after all?

I want to say something more pertinent, but the words aren't coming out right today. But it feels like instead of fighting, instead of being defensive because I'm too scared of the attack that speaking my truth will bring, I don't have to do that anymore.

I CAN be myself, and I DON'T have to sell myself short, and I CAN be who I want to be. And, I don't have to do it alone.

So it's all good. It's a very, very big shift.

So a little projected menu for tomorrow:

breakfast: carrot, pineapple & parsely juice.

bananas, nuts, seaweed for salt cravings.

Lunch: fresh flax food - (zucchini, dill and flax oil; bung in an avocado maybe?)

dinner: storm's meat craving nut loaf with tahini cheeze and parsley salad.

Am also going to focus on having ONE cup of coffee tomorrow morning. Must curb that SLOWLY, because I don't have room for a withdrawal headache tomorrow!  !

Let's see how we go, wish me luck!

xxxxx's Niqi

And another thing (*more?? groan*) 

Support makes all the difference - thank you all SO MUCH!

I had cooked last night and can really tell the difference emotionally!

I had a chat with the  boy this morning about trying raw for a week. I asked him to support me and not laugh at me (he's good at this - his family is SUPER conservative.) He seemed ok with it. We will wait and see! 

I have discovered that parsely is incredible. I don't know if it's a 'green' but I feel it's a green. I have masses of it in my garden and going out in the sunshine in the morning to pick it for my breakfast is such a lovely, sensual, spiritual experience; a little ritual of love and connection with the earth and my self as part of the earth.

Had a wonderful breakfast - parsely, banana, strawberries and raspberry smoothie.

I am now compiling a list of all my favourite raw recipes to plan. I am worried about over planning, but I think for this week of raw a plan might be the best way to go rather than to free-association. I am worried that I am going to get too anal, but let's just take it easy! (baby steps baby steps baby steps... new mantra!!!!)

xxx's and what a gorgeous spring day it is in old Melbourne town.
YAY WINTER IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Thanks Eve & Jen - one day at a time is another that I've somehow forgotten ...

I've worked out the hubby-fear thing though; when I was anorexic I was in a very bad relationship with a very problematic man who kept changing the height of the hoops I had to jump through. THis included my body; I was never just right; either too fat or too thin (apart from other stuff - that was just the tip of the iceberg!). And for some reason I let it get into my head, and a bit of it is still there. Not logical, not sensible, certainly not REAL, since this situation is OVER OVER OVER 

But ghosts remain. And I think now that I've looked at these ghosts a bit, I can walk through them. (Good thing about ghosts - you can walk through them!) THis is an insight I had this morning BTW!

My own baby is taking her first baby steps, and it's inspiring to watch. I am learning so much from my own children, and it's an intersting place to watch myself and watch how far away I am from that happy childhood space. Children have a wisdom which we don't even begin to understand.

Anyways; I had my first ever raw dinner last night and woke up feeling unusually, strangely energetic. This is SO unlike me it's unbelievable!

Because I'm so obsessional, here's a little food-diary:

Yesterday Lunch: brocolli, parsely (from garden), spring onions, tomato, avocado, celtic salt & lemon (YUM YUM)

Yesterday Dinner: Storm & Jinjee's nut loaf with cleansing parsley salad (double YUM YUM) and for dessert a coconut & cacao haystack - raw from another website (unbelievably better than any conventional haystack I've ever had.)

Today Breakfast: blood oranges, pineapple, cantaloupe, raspberry smoothie. (too busy to go into garden to get greens) coffee - havne't let go of that yet!!!

Morning Tea: avocado, tomato, coriander, lemon, chilli, salt mushed up and rolled into brocolli leaves. WHOOHOO!!!!  :yahh

Lunch: will be avocado, tomato, coriander, left over nut loaf mushed up and rolled into fish-free nori. (mini-advertorial coming up: I bought this nori from Raw Pleasure and it's turned out to be the best nori I've ever had - it doesn't taste like it's got chemicals in it)

I'm always astounded when I look back over raw eating patches (yes yes, cravings take over...) how good I feel and not only that, but how good everything tastes, and how much BETTER it tastes and leaves me feeling than conventional eating.

I think the focus at the present is to think about cravings; bring that into my consciousness and instead of just blindly groping in the fridge for whatever will soothe it momentarily, to try to eat something raw which will satisfy this. Again, from Storm & Jinjee's e-book, the tahini cheese with yeast is probably going to be a big thing for me!! LOLOLOLOL!!!!

No more for now - this must be getting boring!

xxx's Niqi

Thanks Jen - that's such a beautiful way to tell me something as simple as this.

I guess I'm just one of those who let themselves  be led back to fear - I've been working on this for years in one way or another, believe it or not.

I actually has the insight today that I'm going to try a week at full-time raw and tell my husband not to laugh or poke fun at me, but to support me through this.

I think I just need to grab my desire by the throat and allow it to emerge and see what happens.

I got Storm and Jinjee's e-book yesterday and found it very inspiring, especially that section on cravings. I tried a few of their suggestions today and found it worked. The avocado and salt knocked the processed salty crap craving on the head, and the tahini cheeze WOW!!!!!! Hmm... makes me think!

So, baby steps.

My backyard garden is full to bursting with brocoli, parsely, mint and oregano. Very inspiring. Brocolli leaves are a wonderful thing - I eat them like spinach, and since I don't like kale, will be using them as kale wrappy type leaves.

Now to the drawing board - I think a planned approach is a very good thing.

xxxx's Niqi

You can eat it straight – but this is only for very brave souls. I tried it once in 1995 but never tried it again.
[/quote]

Yeppy- have had the same experience.

Raw garlic can give me a volcano in my tummy both upways AND downways.

Pity, because I Love the taste and no matter what anyone says, I DO love it's qualities. I don't think it's as bad as all that!!!

LOL!!!

Niqi

Aaah, you're all too cool. Really, really thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

A few things:
yes, I feel like I'm fighting for 'me' time sometimes. I think it does make me a more attuned mother. Mother goddess SO wants a bit of time out now and then!

I so rarely crave sugar it's  not funny. I never have. Sometimes I find eating fruit too sugary.

The water/low blood pressure thing came from my nutritionalist - she has yet to tell me more. But lbp has always been with me. My doctor keeps on telling me 'you'll live longer, drink black coffee to make you feel better'. But lpb is not that much fun. It makes you very weak and tired.

Yes, I can see the craving for cheese/processed meats/salt comes from the chemicals. It's horrible. It's evil, and I hate it. I will try the avocado with celtic sea salt and see what happens. I guess I am one of those who will crave something salty and then go and force myself to eat against what I am craving.

I've got nutritional yeast - I LOVE the stuff!!!! I've never thought to put it into a nut cheese, though, which is a GREAT idea - thanks Jen!

I gotta admit, I do tend towards the idea that we need fat. I've seen too many women lose their ability to bear children without good fat. I've seen too many elderly, emaciated people give in to their illnesses because they didn't have enough actual flesh on their bodies to sustain them through illness.

Food combining is a wonderful thing, but I am far too obsessional to get into that. Believe me, something which is as complicated (for me) as this has sent me around the mental twist before. I tried it once before and got hopelessly lost and agitated. I really need simple at the moment. I can't do GI calculations either - or rather I won't because I don't see the difference between an orange and a sweet potato and I refuse to give up on either! LOLOL!!! 
Maybe mono eating is AN answer? Thanks Freelea!


Hydration is a problem - sometimes after drinking well for a week or two, I can't face water - it makes me feel sick. Bloated and nauseous. This is when I crave salt. Jen mentioned mineralization, and my dear middle-european mother keeps telling me I am washing the minerals out of my body with all the water (!!!). I'm mostly thirsty after I eat. Regardless. But I usually don't drink because I have just eaten and don't want to feel bloated.

I am confused, grasshopper!!!!!

Anyways - thank you all for your input. You are all wonderful!

xxx's Niqi

Firstly, thank you for your reply. You are very kind! I think the biggest problem I have is getting caught up in my head - which plays havoc, of course, with any left over eating issues!


1) Ahem - men who act like their fathers. It's a bugbear! 

2) I get caught up with this notion of transitioning. Basic impatience plus feeling too stressed with everything at once make me put pressure on myself to go faster. Horrible but true!

3) this eating structure you described sounds almost exactly like how I am eating at the moment. My only problem seems to be that I get BORED. I CRAVE foods that in the 'SAD' (i know, but I use that term only to describe conservative eating habits) would be healthy. Some days I get up and can't face a green smoothie for breakfast, some days I feel so rushed I don't want to put together my mixer or blender and then chop veggies and then clean everything! It sounds funny, but it's true. Some days I crave salt and cheese so badly it hurts. I am lactose and wheat/gluten intolerant. I don't crave wheat/gluten at all, but the cheese cravings are dreadful. And if I do give in, I get hideous reactions. 

4) eating enough is an interesting point. Green smoothies for breakfasts are great, because I am never hungry first thing in the morning. But come 10am and all I want is a greasy big breakfast or toasted cheese sandwich. I usually fill up with fruit, but I find it very hard to know what the 'on/off' button of my stomach/appetite is doing. THis comes from being gluten /lactose intolerant all my life - and not knowing it. When my stomach grumbled as a food intolerance reation, I thought I was still hungry. And I fed. And then came weight watchers where the portions are too small for me, but coupled with all the wheat that's in that eating plan, I didn't know WHERE my appetite was! I still get the guilts for eating say 3 bananas - My head goes 'piggy!!!'

5) I don't have a clue about mineralisation - I do know, however, if I drink 2 litres of water consistently every day my blood pressure drops and I can't function well. My nutrionalist is going to help me with this one!

Thanks so much for your input! 

After lunch today I felt a lot better - but sometimes the same meal (salad) makes me 'high'. Usually I would have some mini-chol cheese in it (believe it or not, this DOES have lactose in it!) and it would send my heart pounding and me racing around in circles. Today I had a soy cheese with no lactose in it and I just felt more fueled, if that makes any sense! This cheese craving is bad...

I think - at least this is my insight for the day - that I will concentrate on a more fulfilling breakfast. I'll see how I go!

Cheers,
xxxxx
Niqi

Dear all -
I am really feeling the need at the moment to do a journal about this raw journey. Whether I'm writing for myself or writing for an audience is a moot point, but I feel the need for some help - even if it's SELF help merely by the fact of writing it all out.

Truthfully, I feel like crap. I am tired all the time. I've just gone through a bout of indigestion-like symptoms which have left me drained. I am a mother of 2 young children, I work and study and have a fairly demanding husband. (Don't get me wrong, I love him to bits, but he's not that helpful around the house. And I do not accept that housework is for me only) I don't HAVE ENOUGH TIME to exercise every day - I dance only once a week and do housework/school runs/shopping as a workout. BORING!

I have recently seen a nutrionist and she asked me to keep a journal  of all I eat. I did. It made me see the need for an exercise like this, but again, another 'fact' of my life;
I was on weight watchers because I needed to lose weight for health reasons (to try and prevent arthritis - didn't work). I ended up becoming so mentally obsessed with losing weight, I became anorexic. I was thin, 'standardly' so, but I couldn't move. I was so malnourished I couldn't get out of bed. Great - thin, but non-functional; what's the point?

This is what scares me at the moment - I don't want to go back there, into that headspace. It's bloody horrible.

But I know I am lazy, and get cravings, and 'treat' myself because I am so tired and stressed out that I eat for comfort. I 'know' these things.

At first adding more raw to my life gave me the most immense energy. Then I looked at a few forums, posted a few things, and on one forum (NOT this one!!) I was pretty much patronized for having an opinion. I keep telling myself that I am 'transitioning' but I wonder if that's an excuse; see, this the anorexic self-talk. I would like to be able to freely nourish myself without all this obsessive THINKING and self-deprecation! I question myself every day if I've 'been raw enough', and looking at this food diary I have just completed, what I eat is pretty good, even though I thought I was having a bad food week. (Overseas guests are here; another excuse?)

This is exactly the SAME behaviour and mentality that I saw in WW. Pretty feral. And I wonder just how far I'm taking this; am I  being too hard on MYSELF?

I feel like I am fighting something; I want to try 100% raw but something always gets in the way - I throw it there. (My husband, kids, etc won't eat it, I can't go out anymore, I have to give up things which seem to hold me together day by day,  can't get comfort out of eating anymore, oh my god, where will I get protein from, will I go through withdrawal blah blah blah blah blah.)

I feel like I NEED support, but I am afraid of going back to my anorexic panic. I KNOW what I am like around this issue; my analyst always gets panicky calls from me ('Argh! I'm having anorexic panic again!!!)

So my question - to myself as well as to anyone who cares to read this, is, how do I untangle myself? I know this is in my head. I KNOW what my body needs, but my head gets in the way!

At least writing this is maybe untangling a few skeins.

We'll see.

love
Niqi
 

"When we deny negative emotions, they accumulate in the shadows of our bodymind and emerge to sabotage our best intentions and make us ill." (from the website)

Dear Melb - I can't help but applaud your decision to give us the link to this website.

I latched on to the quote I pasted above because this to me strikes a  very deep and very important chord. I've see so many people deny their negative emotions, paste a layer or mask of something over the top of this (usually some rather arbitrary 'philosophy' or 'ideology') and fall into something much darker and deeper, or ignorant. The negativity just bursts out somewhere - like that old chestnut of the car that when you close a door, the other pops open. And when you close that door, the boot flies open etc.

Staring your dark side in the face is hard. But pasting a mask over it is worse and yes, it DOES surface in your body. Psychological research that started over a century ago has shown me enough evidence that this is true. It is an effect that the conventional medical trade does not want to see, stuck in its own hubris.

What Alboher says about being a witness to others is so important - and never mind the modality. You can dress that up with whatever words you want to give it. It's the attitude of witnessing that is imporant.
'An enlightened witness can be anyone willing and able to closely listen to and support us without judgment or a particular point of view to defend.'

THank you Melb! 

best,
Niqi

Hi RS!

Melbourne central is right in the heart of the central business district, and about the best place nearest that I can think of (others may think of somewhere closer) is the South Melbourne Market, which has a great organic stall. There's also the Victoria Market which also has some excellent organic stalls, but not sure what days they are open as the Vic market isn't open every day. You might want to check their website.

There are other good places but more suburban and not so close the Melbourne Central.

Hope this helps!

all the best, Niqi

See what dark moon energy does? Strips away the brain function - gotta blame the moonlight! BWAHAHAH!!! 

Umm -

melon juice with mint and lemon

or

strawberry juice with ginger and lime???

*making myself hungry again*

Niqi

Letting go is such a realization! I didn't know I let go of this until way after the fact:

I was talking to a friend of mine about Catholic education - she was telling me about how religions had their rules, and they were so very strict and enforced, and especially about how you can't fight it.

And I felt SO FAR AWAY FROM IT ALL!!
(having been raised cat, but not stayed there!)

I was SO proud of myself! I didn't entangle myself into this energy at all.

What a liberation!

 

Niqi

DEFINATELY the moonlight!

Full moon does amazing things to me - always leave something out for the faeries! Love the feeling of this type of moonlight! Some interesting things happen!!!!
Dark moon too, great for peeling away unwanted energy.

 

Niqi

On the topic of strawberries; I have a pot growing and have just discovered that I have a big, healthy new strawberry plant growing in another pot next to original pot.

I'm thrilled, because it means more strawbies, but I'm also thrilled because my little strawbies were smart enough to fly from ont pot to another! 

Plants are so clever, it never fails to amaze me!

I agree - Coles strawbs are suspicious; how can you trust a strawberry that is that big? It's only the price of them that seduces us!

I haven't crunched any numbers on my grocery (just to tune in to this thread) but I spend a LOT on strawberries because all my kids eat them all the time!

Cheers, Niqi

Hello everyone - does anyone know of a way to make raw 'bread' without gluten in it? Am having trouble with reflux and indigestion and need something to soak up some acids in there. If I am completely on the wrong track, please let me know!

I love essene bread, but family can't eat it as it is full of wheat and gluten.

best cheers and thanks, Niqi