Hi J-R,

I've loved reading your posts, thank you very much

I do interval training, if you could call it that LOL.  I deliver junk mail and try to run as much as I can depending on the hills (and there are plenty) and how much weight I have in my shoulder bag.  And I'm 51 years old.  Are you scared yet?

I mostly walk up the hills with a full bag, starting usually around 15 kgs in weight and as I drop off junk in letterboxes along the way the load gets lighter and then I reach the flat or downhill parts and start to jog between letterboxes.  My bag is home made and I've designed it so the weight is distributed as evenly as possible on both shoulders, even though the bag actually hangs on my right.

I continue this, loading up the bag 6 times along the way, for 6 kms twice per week.  At the moment I'm running, on good days, about 30% of that distance and want to build that higher, but the weight of the bag really does slow me down a lot at the moment.  Once the post-Christmas sales are over I'm sure it will be lighter.

I do have to lean sideways to the left very slightly because of the carry bag.  I'm running across grass and driveways mostly, with a little road running back to the car.  If you have any advice at all on my running technique and/or how to build my performance I'd be very grateful.

Just thought a photo would help you and you can see the 2 shoulder straps in this one - they have a strap across the back behind my neck which keeps them from falling off my right shoulder, but are not restrictive in any way.  (Fly net so I can huff and puff without swallowing anything non-vegan, gloves for the newsprint, ankle skirts to keep the lawn prickles out of my shoes.  I'm a well protected young lady )



Thank you so much!
May

- isn't it a great site Emi?  We love our daily puzzle.  And the 51 crazy cut is my specialty, my record is 2 minutes 35 seconds and I rarely take longer than 3 minutes.  But I've practiced a lot - as David keeps reminding me every time I beat him on that cut LOL.  He's beaten me twice on it though, so good for him

I was down another .5 kg this morning.  In .5 kg time I will be 30 kgs lighter than my highest (and very long-term) weight, and 20 kgs of that will have been through raw eating.  The best of all is that my whole mind-set has changed, I *AM* a slim person now, even in my head.  Other times I lost wieght, which never lasted, I still went for the big sized clothes, and still saw myself as large in the mirror.  Now I don't - I go for the size 12s and the slim looking clothes, and I see a slim me in the mirror.  It's incredible.  I feel so good - so sane and so *normal*!!!

We have David's work Christmas 'do' on Saturday night and I bought a new dress yesterday.  Spent more than I normally would, but may well wear it for Dan's wedding in May, so that won't hurt.  And today we went to buy me a bra with a low enough back to go under it.  David came into the shop with me too - the only guy in there of course.  He even came into the changing room with me for a while.  Then he went out and there was a tiny little blonde holding even tinier g-strings up in front of her and generally being a tease (or so he told me after we left the shop).

As we were paying the sales lady said to David "You've had fun in here today haven't you?" and he and I laughed and he replied "I always do!"  And 2 of the customers, including the teensy blonde just about had tears in their eyes waving him goodbye.  Well almost, but you get my drift.  He left an emptiness behind him

And guess what?  I have diamante bra straps!!!!!  They are gunna show as the dress is strappy, and the sales girl tried to sell me clear straps, until I saw the diamante ones.  Kwor!!!!!!!!!!!  I'm so excited

Love and Joy
May

I was just sent a link to this page Erin, thought you may enjoy seeing it too...

http://www.smellybean.com/link.jsp?UniqNumber=5164

Some fantastic ideas eh?

Love and Joy
May

Hey Sach,

I promised you that your Mum's birthday would not go unnoticed, and it won't.  I was going to stay up late (ha! as if that's different!!!) and write after you went to bed so this was here for you in the morning, but I thought perhaps it would be better if you could take it to bed with you instead.  So here I am now.

I truly believe that when people's bodies are finished with, their essence/soul/energy remain.  I *know*, with every fibre of my being, that your Mum is still with you, and always will be.  Take some quiet time and open your heart to the knowledge that she is there, and she will flood in and fill you just as surely as she did when she occupied a body that you could see, touch, hug.

Spend some time exchanging love with her - give *and* receive - talk to her and listen quietly and I know that you will hear her loving you in return.  Tell her Happy Birthday.  Tell her that you have shared your experience of her great love, patience, understanding, all of her deeds, with others - because you value her so much.

Don't let anything be in the past tense.  Your love, and hers, are current and continuing.  They can never be separated or stopped.

Nobody is ever gone while we have them in our hearts.  For me, this is my grandfather, he was, and remains, so incredibly beautiful, loving, gentle, fun.  I can summon him at a moment and enjoy his company.  My love continues on, and so does his.  We can actually share more moments together now than when I had to share him physically with others.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY for tomorrow MUMMY SACH

Love and Joy to you both,
Mummy May

Kwor Peta, I'm glad I don't have to feed your kids!!!

Congratulations on all the improvements you are making.  You're showing real headway on where you began aren't you?  Isn't it wonderful to have a journal to be able to read back on and see where you've come from?

So looking forward to meeting you over there on the 'funny coast' where the ocean's the wrong side LOL

Keep well, keep on doing what you're doing :wub

Love and Joy
May

Hey there suay Neet,

Always a delight to read your journal, you're so upbeat and positive all the time

Love and Joy
MMay

Congratulations Erin, that's fantastic news - and I love your goal too.  I hope you exceed your expectations

Countdown to the Gold Coast eh?  It's different arrival days for everyone or we could start a '... sleeps to go' countdown for real.  So exciting!!!

Love and Joy
May

Boo!!!



Heaps of Hugs, Love and Joy,
May

Hiya my Beauty

Oh I am sorry about the cooked and how it left you feeling.  But I tell ya, I've walked that path too and I'm not sorry.  A million people could tell me I 'shouldn't' eat cooked or that I will feel bad if I do, but that is not a lesson learned.  There are some things we can learn from others, but I don't think the cooked experience is one of them myself.  Hooray for learning lessons, taking note, and moving on.

I've done it that way myself and the lessons have far more meaning when you've felt the pain don't they? LOL

I'm so pleased to hear you made the most of the hubby opportunity when it arose   Never let an opportunity pass you by I say.

I hope the mother issue resolves soon.  It must be hard to see things clearly with it there in your face too often.

I've just had an email from my brother's partner - they live in Corrigin - asking if I'll ring my mother to tell her their phone isn't working at the moment.  Are any of them going to die if they can't speak for a few hours or a day?  I don't think so, and I don't think so.  I'm seeing her on Thursday morning, I'll mention it then.  My brother doesn't even email with me, it's only ever his other half who writes, and that rarely.  Aren't families weird concoctions?  If it's an emergency I'm sure there's a public phone box or a neighbour, and neither bro nor mum could help one another from this distance.  So funny!!!

Doesn't raw taste WONderful after you've strayed?  You're doing beautifully Emi, you really are!!!

Love and Joy
May

Thank you so much Neet and Chermona.  I know I'm late thanking you publicly, but did so more quickly in private of course.  I really treasure you both coming to my little corner of the forum

Well, as always, life has been flat tack the past few days, not least because it's full of junk deliveries on Sat and Tue mornings, and collating and folding them on Fri and Mon nights.  I've decided to keep a little statistics table so I can monitor my performance against the relevant criteria.  My performance had started to stall a bit of late so I had a hard think about what had changed compared to the times when I was improving steadily.  Two things were the answer to that question; I'd not been eating so many bananas or so many greens.  So I set to about improving both of those things and within a week my performance has started to pick up again

So here are the stats for the past 3 deliveries, which I find interesting but will forgive you all if you yawn 

Tue 27th Nov
Distance covered: 6 kms
Time taken: 1 hr 20 mins*
Number of letterboxes: 150
Temperature: 29°C
Total weight carried: 63 kgs
Most weight at one time: 13 kgs
Distance jogged: approx 20%

* Note that I have to squeeze my junk mail in the letterboxes along the way, I wasn't walking/jogging *that* slowly!!!  However, this was the performance that really brought home how I'd lost my energy.

Sat 1st Dec - two rounds, my own 6 kms plus holiday relief of another, 3 kms in length.
Distance covered: 9 kms
Time taken: 2 hrs 30 mins
Number of letterboxes: 250
Temperature: 22°C
Total weight carried: 100 kgs
Most weight at one time: 16 kgs
Distance jogged: approx 40%

Ran heaps more and felt more energised, though it was obvious my fitness level had dropped a little - but that can be built back up quickly now I know what the problem was.

Today, Tue 4th Dec
Distance covered: 6 kms
Time taken: 1 hrs 45 mins*
Number of letterboxes: 150
Temperature: 25°C
Total weight carried: 73 kgs
Most weight at one time: 15 kgs
Distance jogged: approx 35%

*The thickness of this delivery was a problem to get in to many letterbox slots, plus another junk person had beaten us to it and left their's sticking out so we were having to push their stuff in before we could put our own in.  All slowed us down, so that's why the running percentage and the time taken don't seem to work out.

Other than that I've been getting a LOT of sleep lately, between 9 and 11 hours for the past 3 nights prior to last night which was a bit less than 8.  Had to get up earlier this morning to get the junk delivered before David needed to go to work.

I've also been doing some 'instinctive eating' the past few days, on mono-meals - to me the 2 are the same thing.  It's been really interesting and I feel very comfortable with it for the first time.  I also appear to be detoxing.  Last night and today I feel a bit as if I have the flu and my throat feels kind of sore, in a gentle way .  Perhaps 'swollen' would be a better description.

I'm also very tired, despite the extra sleep.  I have a heap to do this arvo but am hoping to be able to squeeze in a granny nap, as David wants me to be awake when he gets home at 11:30 tonight.  Then of course we will chat and do the daily puzzle www.jigzone.com.  We visit this puzzle site every day and do the daily puzzle in the cut it arrives in, and then usually do it in '51 piece crazy' as well, which is my favourite cut.  It's a great site for all ages as there are hundreds of puzzles to choose from and you can select any number of cuts from 8 piece to over 100 pieces for each picture.  Good tip with the school holidays coming up   David and I love to start at the exact same second and see who can get it done first.

Another great website for kid friendly games is http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/.  There are about 60 games on there, all with cute music, and varying levels of difficulty.  My favourite is 'high delivery'.  How did I get on to this subject

Love and Joy
May

Hey Zak, I'm missing your posts!!!

I know you've been really busy though.  I do hope you will have a chance to write more again when school finishes.

Heaps of love
May May

Hello Tiff It rained a bit here in Perth this morning but cleared up beautifully for us to do our junk run.  It just did a tiny drizzle on us once but we were nice and warm by then and the cooling spray was very welcomed.  I hope you've had a wonderful day with your park trip and your fruit - yummo!!!

Love the story of Joel.  He would be accurate if he was telling them how it is eh? LOL  My eldest son couldn't say the sound of SM together as a toddler and replaced it instead with an F sound.  He'd brush his hair and ask if he looked 'fart' and I'd say "Oh YES, you DO!!!"  And his favourite lollies were smarties, before the days that I knew better, so we'd walk around the shops with him saying "Farties, I want farties!"  Never did get the kid to say please, but he was and is really good with the thank yous.  And he's Georgia's daddy now.

Hello Chermona   It is so good to see you posting again, it's been very quiet and I've been getting very worried about you.  But I didn't like to push in if I wasn't wanted to.  Thank you so much for what you have said.  Yes, I think each new lesson in life builds on the last one, and some of them can not be rushed - we have to be ready before they will come to us.  I still feel incredible, I just can't describe it.  I so wish what I feel for everyone else as well.

Love and hugs and joy to all,
May

I have a tray of mangoes here which I bought 1½ weeks ago and have been waiting for them to ripen.  They are now going wrinkly and old looking and have finally softened a bit, but of juice and sweetness they know nothing!!!  I made a smoothy of one mango with THREE dates and it still wasn't lip smacking good.  David's told me to ditch the rest.  I do hate waste, but they're such a disappointment I think i'm going to do just that.

The bananas are not nice from our usual shop lately either.  Such is life LOL

So pleased to hear that you have an abundance of beautiful tastes at last Emi, how wonderful.  The cherries up here vary from $27 to $32 per kg, what are they like down there for price?

Heaps of hugs
May

Thank you everyone for rejoicing with me.  I'm still full of joy, it's such an incredible thing

Erin, Emi, Sach, Garfield for each of you.

We're off to deliver junk this morning - our own area plus the 2nd round that we do sometimes.  Shhhh, some of the people on the 2nd round seem awful grumpy, don't tell.  But I'm not worried by that this time.  They can do what they need, and I'll do what I need, and the emotions won't get mixed up in the middle.  MY middle that is!!!  LOL

Tiff I tried to write you a PM this morning but it says your InBox is full so I couldn't send it.  So sending you love here from your equal-favourite celeb .  Now you're famous too!!!

We took Georgia to a park to play again on Thursday and she's developed on to the 'thank you' for everything of last week.  Now, the least thing you do for her gains the reply "Tank you.  Tank you May, vey mush."  We climbed and clambered and slid and wriggled.  David took photos but you've already seen me on play equipment so I won't bother posting for fear of boring you all.

The junk for today is 623 bundles of 10 brochures for each and I collated 400 last night and 50 so far this morning.  David's just folding and putting them in elastic banded bundles of 5s so I must grab my breakfast and go collate the last 170 or so.  6,230 brochures LOL  And it was a close call, there were 11 for each bundle but I had a call when I'd done 20 to say not to deliver one of them.  OK my me!!!

Have a wonderful Saturday everyone!!!

Love and Joy
May

Sach, yes, I began with a 9 on the front of my weight.  96/98, something like that.  You are right about taking on a new identity with each new number!

Swami, .  I'm not telling.

Rita and Jen, thank you so much


Thanks John - I'm honoured to see you venturing into the journal area just for me.  Wow!!!  Yes I did have another kind of a journal before this one - named something about 811.  I wish I'd have just renamed it and kept it all in one spot but oh well, I'm not going to read this one all in one sitting even!!!

Yes, David's a turf of grass isn't he?  He risks life and limb most days of his life.  And not just with me

And yes, I sure do know what you mean.  I'm amazed myself, thank you   And here's a new one which happened yesterday, late arvo...

I received a newsletter from a website called 'WhatsUpOnPlanetEarth?' which a friend sent me a link to a few weeks ago.  The email was an excerpt from the web master's book named 'Remembering Your Soul Purpose' and talked about us all having special gifts which are so integral to our being that we can not help but carry them out.  Mine are helping people, caring for and loving others, particularly when they are as yet unable to do this for themselves; and nurturing them in a direction so that they can then stand alone and love themselves.

This my soul purpose, my sole purpose.  It's not WHAT I DO, but WHO I AM.  I did not realise this before reading the email yesterday, and suddenly it was all clear.  And I mean *all*.  I can see my life stretched out behind me and everything makes sense.  I can see why I'm so uncomfortable being with my mother - I can't be myself, I can't care for her and love her as I must guard myself against her and I don't yet have a one-way valve in place.  Maybe that will come, maybe it won't.

I can see where and why all the emotional damage has been done to me.  I grew up in a household with mind games happening all around me almost every day.  My core purpose for being could not be expended in that atmosphere, I always had to be on guard, reading every word, every hint, every *thought* of a hint from both parents, hypervigilant.  It was dangerous, always.

I was totally crushed and constrained, constantly, for 18 years.  One of the main things that did the damage, I can only see now, was my mother regularly laying a guilt trip on me that "I only ever wanted a baby to love and to cuddle, and YOU always pushed me away!"  Babies don't do that - how would they get fed otherwise?  What really happened is anyone's guess, but I was always getting this sentence hurled at me.  I AM love, I AM care and nurture.  She was throwing my very being into my face and telling me that I wasn't who I am!!!  No wonder I was confused, belittled, filled with guilt and shame and fear.

There is someone I come across regularly in my life these days.  I help people and this person slams what I've said in my face.  It is crystal clear to me now why I can not just ignore the words.  It's not that my love and caring (verbs) have been ridiculed, it's that the Love and Care that I AM has been dashed to the floor.  It's ME that's been thrown down and trampled, not something I own, like intellectual property, it's my very soul.  My mother all over again.

And now I see it all so clearly, and I feel such a joy and peace, such that I've never felt before in my life.  We had someone rude in our travels today and it had no effect on me whatsoever.  Yesterday, or any day before that, it would have hurt me very deeply - felt like being stabbed in the chest, literally.  I know the feeling well, I've had it thousands of times.  But today, no effect, just washed over me.  I felt my inner, untouchable joy.

It's all very well for people to tell others to take no notice of offences, but I think we all need our 'ah hah' moment before we can truly do this.  Head knowledge is one thing but when it comes to our very heart and soul, we must have experienced something miraculously deep and wondrous.  For me anyway, I have to know WHY.  I always have done, and I guess I always will.  Right or wrong for other people it has been what's driven me to heal my childhood instead of suffering depression as I'd begun to do - as my brother did.  I can tell you with every honesty that if not for that drive in me, I would not be alive now.

I feel so joyous, I just can not explain.  All blinky LOL.  I feel so free and I can feel a new energy coursing through me like never before.  My whole body feels different.  Hallelujah   David's eating some bread and normally I'd have wanted some, but that inner hunger, that black, empty void that's always needed filling, has gone.

Love and joy,
May