Oh you poor thing, I feel your pain.  I used to work as a waitress in a steakhouse and it was really hard to find a smile and kind word for all these people gorging themselves on massive slabs of beef.

At least you will be able to treat the meat with the dignity it deserves and perhaps spread that respect to your customers.  Personally I have no problem with the consumption of meat, but rather with the thoughtless way most people approach it.  And the conditions in which many animals are raised and slaughtered. 

Just wanted to share a couple of things...

Hi to all the lovely Adelaidians (or Adelaliens), and Gosia, who I got to meet in person last Friday.  Thanks BB for a lovely party and everyone for bringing such yummy food!  If you want the recipe for the carob carrot tamarillo cake, I posted it on my blog (see signature).  It was so nice to talk all things raw and about life in general with you all.  Can't wait to see you all again, but I won't be at the next gathering because...

I'm going to Hawaii on Sunday!  Yay!  My family lives in Boston, so we decided to have a little reunion halfway between there and Adelaide.  We've been planning this for a year and I can't believe it's actually happening.  Looking forward to 2 weeks of sunshine and copious tropical fruits.  I'm salivating just thinking about coconuts, pineapples, mangoes, papayas, guavas...oh man, this is gonna be good.  Not to mention spending time relaxing on the (perfect) beaches with my family, who I haven't seen in a year.  I'll be bringing my laptop, so hopefully will be able to share some photos.

Finally, about my major frustration, my skin.  Yuck, it's a mess!  I was hoping it would be kind of clear by now, because my mother always comments on it.  For goodness sake, I've had acne for 10 years now, you'd think she could let it go.  I think I'd be a lot less neurotic about it if she didn't hassle me about it.  I love my mother, but, argh, she can so frustrating about these things.  The thought of facing her in 2 days with pimples on my face is causing me no end of anxiety, which of course is making the acne worse.

The jojoba is lovely.  Really soothing, and I can see a difference in my skin tone and reduction of scars and redness, if not a decrease in the breakouts.  I have started using it in my hair as well in place of styling products.  So, I think given time and the will to stick to a raw diet, the acne will clear up.  I also think if I didn't worry about it so much it wouldn't be so bad (kind of a catch 22, huh?).  It's more facing my mother that I'm worried about than the skin itself.  I just need to think of what to say to her when she comments on my acne.  I need to be firm without offending her, because she's just as sensitive as she is critical.  And since I haven't seen her in a year, I don't want to create tension or confrontation.  I think I'll just tell her that I'm on my own journey to heal my skin (and the rest of my body, soul, mind, consciousness...) and that I'd prefer not to discuss it with her.

What does anyone reading this think of affirmations?  I was thinking about this in the bath tonight.  I wondered if it might be a way to help heal my skin.  Some kind of mantra, like "healthy clear skin" repeated daily, maybe write it on the mirror and say it while brushing teeth and stuff.  I think I will do some research on this subject.

Also wondering if anyone has experience with dermalogica?  I had some pre-vacation waxing done today and the lady recommended that I try it and gave me some sample sachets.  Melb, Sanghama, or any other skin experts have any thoughts?

How come I can't just write a short, to-the-point post?  I'm such a rambler.

I don't think you need to be hard on yourself for loving chocolate.  There's a lot to love about it!  Embrace that love!  True, cacao is a stimulant, but it is also full of nutrition, tastes amazing and makes one feel good.  In small amounts, it can certainly be beneficial.  It does stimulate me, but not to the extent that some people here seem to experience.  I actually find that it gives me more of a sense of well-being than an energy boost, personally.

You're right, though, that you have to break the addiction to commercial chocolate.  If you can even call it chocolate, as Jim revealed in his disturbing analysis of a standard Cadbury's dairy milk bar.  Lots of stuff in there you would never consider eating if you stopped to think about it!

Then again, if you're only eating the cacao for magnesium, there might be better sources out there that don't stimulate you and cause you so much stress.  If you're eating it because you love chocolate, cacao is certainly the better option to commercial chocolate.

One more thought...I found myself addicted to desserts a few years ago.  Mentally addicted, that is.  At night, I needed to have some ice cream, a cookie, something sweet (this was way before going raw), and I felt really upset and anxious if I couldn't have dessert.  So I decided to see what would happen if I went cold turkey.  No desserts for a month.  And you know what?  I was fine.  After a few days, I didn't miss sweets.  If I was really craving something sweet, I ate some fruit.  So maybe if this chocolate thing seems out of control, you'd be better off cutting out all forms of chocolate (including cacao) altogether for a period of time.

Sorry for this disjointed reply...as you can see, I have a complex relationship with chocolate myself!  Best of luck to you as you tackle this challenge.

Hi Leif,

Inspiring stuff!  Thanks so much for sharing.

I, too, have a great deal of experience with knowing what is best for myself, yet making other choices anyway.  Why are human beings so hard on ourselves?  We are much harsher to ourselves than we'd ever allow ourselves to be to anyone else.

Good for you for making such positive affirmative statements about allowing yourself to chose joyful living.  Putting these statements in writing is the first step to making them happen.  And don't get discouraged if you fall off the track.  Just take yourself back to this original post and gently remind yourself how awesome you are how much you deserve to be treated well by yourself.

Best of luck!  Looking forward to reading more about your journey.

Thanks for the welcome Paulina!  I am planning to attend the next Adelaide picnic.

Hmmm, Niqi I must look into this coconut-oil-as-cleanser idea.  It sounds like you have very different skin to mine, yet we both have sensitive skin.  I've always had a sneaking suspicion that most of the cleansers I've tried are too harsh and drying.  And unlike most acne sufferers, I don't have overly oily skin.  Not dry either, I guess it's what they call "combination skin."

On another note, I'm on day 3 of the Master Cleanse and I am really struggling!  But it's supposed to be a struggle, right?  Day one I felt great, I even went to my partner's parents' house and drank my lemonade calmly while they ate a roast.  I wouldn't normally eat a roast anyway, but I would have brought a salad and ate some of the cooked veggies.  Day two I had to work, so I brought a big bottle of my drink and sipped it all throughout the morning and afternoon with water and peppermint tea in betweent.  When I got home from work I had a headache and I was really tired.  By nighttime I felt pretty flat, I didn't have the desire or energy to go out to my friend's birthday party where everyone would be, well, partying.  Still, I stayed home and read, watched a movie, had a bath with ylang ylang and jojoba oils, and just relaxed.  Today I woke up really hungry, but did the saltwater thing first thing anyway and felt some naseau but got through it.  I brought my drink to work again and it is actually a good energizer for waitressing.

Anyway I am feeling much less energy than usual, and my workmates have invited me out to dinner and I want to go...but I won't.  Doing this cleanse is a really solitary experience.  Then again, going raw has been pretty solitary for me altogether.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I'm moving to Melbourne at the end of August.  I'm taking this move as an opportunity to chose my lifestyle more deliberately.  I want to work in a raw restaurant, ideally, or else an organic or vegan restaurant or organic food shop.  And I want to surround myself with people who embrace similar values and lifestyle choices.  Because the social aspect of going raw has been so hard for me, since none of my friends are raw and they are all into going out to eat, drinking wine, etc.

Well I think I will try to stick with this cleanse as long as I can.  And I know I can do the 10 days if I really want to.  The reason I want to follow through is to make some major changes in my relationship to food.  It's tough self-love. 

I started the Master Cleanse for my first time today.  I don't know why exactly, but I just felt like I need to do it.  I was feeling really overwhelmed with food, thinking about it too much, agonizing over food choices and overeating.  So basically I just feel a need to simplify for a while.  I'm interested in the potential physical benefits, but the reason at the heart of this experiment is to challenge myself psychologically.  To learn how to deal with my emotions without relying on food.

This is my first day - I decided to start on my first full day off from work so that I can just rest.  I feel pretty floaty, like my head is in the clouds, but also calm.  I don't have a tremendous amount of focus or energy, so I've spent most of the day so far curled up reading a great book.  I'm about to go for a walk with my sweetie and then we're heading to his parent's house for dinner.  I'm not really looking forward to sitting at the dinner table with my lemonade while they dig into a roast dinner.  Actually I might just stay in the living room and read but I don't want to insult them.

Melb, I tried the jojoba in my hair today.  It seems pretty good.  No frizzies, but not as much body either.  Perhaps I should use a bit less next time.  I am loving it on the skin, though my acne is still terrible.  But I will give it at least 6 weeks before I make any kind of verdict, because I know that pimples start forming way before they appear, and that changes in skincare regime can be difficult.

Niqi, coconut oil as a cleanser?  Interesting.  Do you remove it with a facecloth or something?  Do you use a soap as well?

I'm going to read the thread on skin brushing now.  Maybe that will be something to try once my inflamation goes down a bit.

Okay, off for a walk.

The jojoba oil arrived in the mail yesterday and I was so excited.  I started using it last night, with the method that melb recommended.  Massaging the oil into my skin with makeup still on, then washing off oil and makeup combo.  After shower, massaging more oil into my skin and leaving it on.  I love the feeling of the jojoba on the skin, and honestly I already feel like the inflamation is a bit reduced and my skintone looks more even.  This might be placebo, but either way I'm happy with my first 24 hours of jojoba use.

I'm also using mineral foundation, which I buff in using a natural brush in the morning after applying the jojoba.  It gives such even, natural coverage and blends really well with the jojoba.  I did feel like my skin looked more even and glowing today.

Answering melb's question, no, I only use my hands to cleanse, no sponge or washcloth or anything.  I use alba shampoo and conditioner right now, but I think when I finish with them I want to transition to a natural haircare product.  I also use yucky artificial catwalk product for curly hair...I have really curly hair that definitely needs products to control it a bit (don't get me wrong, I love my curls, but I love them to be nice ringlets and not frizzballs).  Again, when I finish this bottle I would like to switch to something all natural.  Not necessarily raw, but definitely without chemicals and only natural ingredients.  However, I need products that can untangle and manage my crazy curls.  Any advice here is appreciated, as usual.

Raw eating has been good lately!  I've kept up with eating 100% raw since finishing my 30 days.  I made a great raw chili yesterday, with diced eggplant, mushrooms, and sweetcorn as the base, marinated till soft and then mixed with a tomatoey sauce with herbs and spices.  Excellent comfort food for cold Adelaide winter weather.  It was even better today after the flavors had been mixing for 24 hours.  I also made a great after-work snack today: a whole young coconut (meat and water), raw cacao, vanilla bean, gogi berries and bit of agave.  I shared it with my sweetie and we were both really perked up and it got us through the afternoon with lots of energy and focus on our individual projects.

I have allowed myself to try drinking again after finishing my detox, but i haven't really enjoyed it.  I have one glass of red wine the other night and I liked it, but didn't want more than one.  Then I went to a party on Saturday night and had 2 beers.  The first one went down horribly - I felt really gurgly.  I don't know why I had the second, but I didn't even finish it.  I just didn't really feel that I needed or enjoyed the tipsy feeling as much as I used to.  Interesting to observe, we'll see if I continue to feel this way.

Hi Frang, sounds like you are doing really well with eating to heal yourself.  Please keep us updated on how your diet affects your skin condition.  All of those salads sound so delicious.  I find a big salad with lots of veggies and a favorite homemade dressing to be so satisfying.  Your dressing sounds wonderful!  I love using tahini in my dressings as well - so creamy!  My favorite dressing is really similar, but I like to add a little miso paste, lots of black pepper and some fresh herbs, no garlic or orange juice.  But I am going to try yours next time.

It's good that you ate the chapatis because you were able to observe how your body reacted, and next time you can make a more informed decision about whether you really want to eat them or not.  That's the only way you can learn what works for you and what doesn't.

I'm wondering about why you were so cold the other night.  Have you had an insight?  Maybe you could try some warm ginger tea, or some gingko or another herb that stimulates circulation.  I also have poor circulation and often my feet and hands are really cold.  I just wear slippers and sometimes I wear a tracksuit to bed.  But the best solution for warming up in bed is cuddling next to someone you love!

Yes I would love to do a raw restaurant tour of the US!  I'd leave tomorrow if money weren't an object.  But I'm not one to let a little thing like money stand in the way of my dreams!  In fact, I am going to make it happen.  May take some time, but I have a couple ideas of how to swing it (and hopefully get it paid for).

About Grezzo...my parents actually live in Boston!  I am soooo jealous, wish it had been there last time I was visiting.  Don't think I'll be back for a while though since we're meeting up in Hawaii next month.  But there's an interesting vegan restaurant in Kauai, where we'll be staying, that has some raw dishes.  I will report on it for you all!  And the fruit in Hawaii should be amazing...can't wait.

The other big idea (aside from getting into the raw restaurant business) that I've been entertaining lately is writing a PhD dissertation on the raw food movement through the lens of gastronomy.  I would probably take an anthropological approach, arguing that raw has evolved from a nutritional idea to a cuisine (this is of course somewhat simplistic, but that would be the basic arch).  This idea would fit really well within the discourse on what constitutes "cuisine," because it is commonly defined geographically, but I can argue that in our information age a cuisine can be based upon an idea and grow from there all over the world.  Because raw cuisine encompasses a lot of the qualities of a traditional cuisine: a common understanding of ingredients, the ways that foods are prepared, tools used, language used, symbolic meanings of foods.  Our kitchens are set up differently, we use different words in our recipes, we even have a whole set of "superfoods" that pop up in our recipes all the time that would totally baffle an outsider.  I've been really fascinated by this idea ever since I started reading raw books and forums.

Just thought I'd share...

As for the skin, I'm going to switch to the jojoba, keep up eating raw, drinking lots of water, and not stress about it.  Honestly, I think worrying about it too much probably contributes more to the acne than anything else.

Thanks for everyone's amazing supportive advice!

Tora chan, I think you are right about me getting into the raw food business.  It is going to take some time, but I do think that is where I want to be.  Actually my partner and I are planning a move to Melbourne in August, and I am hoping to hook up with whoever is opening raw restaurants there (I have heard rumors that 2 are going to be open...I posted about this in raw chat, but if anyone is reading this and has info and can put me in touch with these people, much appreciated).  I love food, know lots about it, and love sharing my passion with other people.  Perhaps one day I will open my own raw restaurant.  But I want to build my experience more first.  In the meantime I will keep experimenting with creative raw recipes and writing my blog.

RawGreenGoddess, thank you for your advice re: skin.  I think I will stop using the clinique and look into alternative cleansers.  I'll see if I can find any of the ones you've recommended.  I'm also excited to try the jojoba.  As for greens, I do drink a green smoothie every morning, and I eat a huge salad for either lunch or dinner.  But I don't seem to be able to stomach large amounts of dark greens, like spinach or kale.  The last time I made a wilted kale salad I woke up in the middle of the night with severe nausea that lasted until the next day.  I had it again for lunch a few days later, same experience.  Perhaps I will keep my servings small and build my body up to larger amounts, as I do actually love the taste.  Don't eat much citrus, but could definitely use more exercise.  And, I think my stress levels are still pretty high, which certainly doesn't help.  I'll do some research on rebounding and skin brushing (I've heard these terms before, but don't know what they are exactly).

I have a litre bottle of water next to me right now, getting all that hydrating goodness into my body!

I was inspired by this thread to give running a try again.

My energy is so high, but as I mentioned before I have troubles with the knees.  Years and years of running on pavement and treadmills, and gymnastics from age 3 to 18.

This time, as soon as I started to feel a little knee pain, I stopped running and powerwalked the rest of my route.  It was frustrating, because I had the stamina and energy to keep running, but I told myself it is better to be gentle and ease myself back into running.  Normally I would have pushed through the pain, then hurt for a week and not run again.  Well now, 2 days later, no pain, and I feel motivated to try running again.  I think going slow and being gentle with my body is helping.

I am also interested to read up on the chi running.  I'm sure I can improve my technique and get more benefits from this exercise.  If only it wasn't so cold in Adelaide right now!  (Pretty wimpy for a girl who grew up in Boston where we have snow on the ground all winter, huh?)

Today is day 31 of 100% raw/no alcohol/no coffee.  My original goal was 30 days, so hurray!  I did it.

The big question is, what am I going to do now?  It really does feel like a huge looming issue at the moment.  I am not tempted by coffee - giving up that drug was a fantastic decision.  And listening to my body, I do feel compelled to stick with 100% raw for the time being.  I really do feel different, surprisingly so.  My energy is much more even, and I feel like my general outlook is more positive.  I've caught myself being annoyingly cheerful at work lately, which I attribute to nice big green smoothies immediately beforehand.  And I haven't been getting sick or feeling sluggish or anything (though the skin is still struggling).

On the other hand, I've been a huge foodie for ages.  I have a masters degree in gastronomy, I work in a nice restaurant, I do freelance food writing and research in my field.  How can I not be an omnivore?  Does this mean that I won't go to restaurants and excitedly eye creative, exotic dishes everyagain?  Honestly, most of the time cooked food doesn't even appeal to me anymore.  But occasionally it does, when it's something special.  I suppose I need to figure out if there can be a balance there, like very occasional cooked meals out.  But perhaps my body will not agree with this compromise, and I might stick to 100% raw.  I will have to feel it out.  I do think the next time I go to a nice restaurant I will try something cooked just to see how my body reacts. 

The alcohol is another thing altogether.  I am yearning for a nice big glass of shiraz.  Of course I live in one of the world's most abundant wine regions, so this temptation is always present.  I definitely don't think that alcohol is good for my body.  But, I do think that I will experiment here a bit as well.  How do I feel the next day if I have a glass?  Perhaps only occasionally?  The big difference is, prior to this month I drank several times a week, and usually 2 or more drinks (mostly wine, a little beer, an occasionally vodka).  Now, if I do drink again, it will certainly be much less frequently.

One more observation.  I have hardly had any time over the past few days to do any writing/blogging/forum reading, because I've been working on a project for Nielsen.  In order to study people's lifestyles and digital media usage, they gave subjects mobile phones and every hour, asked them to take a photo of what they were looking at and answer a few questions.  I'm blown away by how many photos I see of TV and fast/junk/convenience foods.  I think I must live in a bit of bubble because I never see anyone I spend time with eating fast food and I don't like having the TV on (in fact, my partner and I are contemplating getting rid of the TV altogether - evil brain washing time drain device).

By the way, melb, thanks for your skincare advice.  I have ordered some jojoba and can't wait to try it.  It would really be amazing to heal this acne that has followed me around for years.

That line about "easily hitting your 5 a day target" made me laugh.  It reminds me of those goofy "go for 2 and 5" television ads here in Australia with "Veggie Man."  2 and 5?  It just seems so laughable from a raw foodist point of view.  Such a piddling amount of fruits and veggies.  And if I were a kid who hated veggies, Veggie Man would certainly not be a convincing role model!

I've now heard from 2 sources that 2 restaurants are in the works to open in Melbourne soon.

I was wondering if anyone knows more aobut this and could possibly put me in touch with someone involved in these projects.  I'm an experienced waitress and food writer, and would really love to work in a raw restaurant instead of a normal one.  I'm in Adelaide at the moment but my partner and I are planning to move to Melbourne around August/September.

If anyone can help, please pm me!  Thanks!

Hey Melb, thanks for the skin advice.

I have been using the coconut oil on and off.  Lately I've gone back to my old standby - Clinique.  Definitely not natural, but incredibly gentle.  It doesn't make my skin better, but, unlike almost every other product (both natural and not) it doesn't make my skin any worse.  However, I am really keen to find a natural alternative. 

Is jojoba oil easy to come by?  I know I can buy coconut oil in local health food shops; do you think they would stock the jojoba or do you order it online?  Also, I've seen green papaya in local asian groceries.  Would this work?  Just mash it up and apply to face?  Daily?  Yeah, it's actually adult acne - not rosacea.  And not really lots of blackheads, but more deep, red cistic pimples.  Ouch!  Unfortunately while working as a waitress I don't have the confidence to go without makeup, either, though I have switched to using only a mineral foundation.