Absolutely nothing!  Who wants to buy my excalibur?  I used it 3 times. 

Way to go, raw sensation!  Congratulations.  Unfortunately, I was in your situation last night, but failed miserably.  Energy started coursing through my body and making me shake, and it was 2am, so I couldn't very well go running.  My body was seriously freaking out because I have abused it with so much cooked for the past 2 weeks.  Today is my lucky day, though!  It is 7-11...with is lucky, yepparooni!  My husband and I decided that we are going to start trying to get pregnant 1 year from today, provided we stay raw.  (That is one of my prerequisites to pregnancy, 1 whole year all raw.)  So, I have set aside all my goals for this year, staying raw being at the top of my list!  I'm very excited, and super nervous, to be honest!  All of your comments have already helped tremendously, though!

Thanks chilli13....that was a great post!  Please keep me updated on your journey, too!

Yay!  Wow, I'm amazed at how encouraging you all are.  Why can't I have friends at home like you all!    Sometimes I forget how important good relationships are. 

Thanks goji girl, I think you're right on.  Once I just DO IT, I think I will be truly me.  Without all the crap!  It is really astonishing how fearful, anxious, and annoyed cooked/toxic food makes me.  Wowza, if only everyone knew.  Oh well, more fruit for us.   

Yeah, I think I just need to chill out and do it.  Or, not 'do it', let it be done.  Stressing over it is definitely why I fail, I know it.  As for the 5 year transition thing, it's actually more reasonable than I thought.  I am in about the 3rd year.  The raw foodism is a newer concept to me (6 months, or so) but I have been trying to improve my health since 2005.  Therefore, that was just leading to raw.  Ahah, 2 years left.     I need to stop thinking relative to time.  (Kind of difficult, though, don't you think!?)  I know I'll be okay.  I just don't want to abuse myself any longer, and I want to be truly happy, which I'm not when I don't eat raw.  (Actually, if I eat a bunch of avocados I feel horrific, so if I eat 811rv I feel better...at least so far as I've experienced.)  Thanks for all the love.  I like you all already.   

Thanks for the advice Rudolph, I can kind of see what you're saying, and I partially agree.  However, I am not at all interested in a 5 year transition, hehe.  I know if I just make the leap, and leave this fear of forgetting myself well enough alone, I will have no problem eating raw foods.  They are what makes me feel amazing.  Why wait 5 years for that?    Thanks everyone, you have helped a lot.

Thanks a lot, that did help.  By the way, I'm into the whole 'Universe' thing.  I believe God created it, therefore I know that everything works together.   

Thanks, both of you are very sweet.

I think my biggest fear is, and has always been, that I will forget myself.  Ever since I was very young, (3 or 4) I have been scared that I would forget my 'past' self.  It's a little difficult to explain, but what I mean is, that I would forgot my dreams, goals, and even simply my attitude towards life.  I was extremely observant when I was a child, and I could never quite figure out why so many adults were such jerks, to put it nicely.  I have always been one to see the good in people, at least until the past couple of years, and I just knew that there was a good person inside the 'mean' people I encountered.  I always wondered what happened to them, and so many people would tell me, "oh, you will be a lot different when you're older."  Well, that's true, but I still remember who I was, and I feel like that is still me in many ways.  But, I have always been afraid of turning into something I never wanted to be.  I don't want to be cruel, unkind, and unlovable.  Yet, it seems like the more time passes, the more I embody exactly that.  (I apologize if I sound a little wacko, I'm trying to explain as best as possible...Lol.)  I am so scared that I will get so far away from what I am/used to be, that I just won't remember that person anymore.  Sort of like, a weird Twilight Zone episode, where all my past get's erased or something.  (Hehe, maybe I just watch too much t.v.)  I know eating raw helps my attitude emensely, more than anything else really, but in my mind, it is somehow still grouped together with 'leaving my old self behind.'  Gosh, I must sound like a complete nut!  I can hardly understand myself sometimes.  I am rarely a complicated person.  Actually, I haven't even thought of any of this until this very moment.  At least, brought it to the front of my mind and contemplated it.  It's weird really.  I guess talking about this will help.  Even if it does seem to stray a little from my original subject matter, the root is still the same.  Change is freaking me out.   

I don't believe I've introduced myself quite yet.  My name is Sarah, and I have been reading all of your posts for 2 months or so, and enjoying it thoroughly, by the way.  I have been on and off of raw, but the past 2 1/2 weeks have been pure junk food hell.  I seriously feel like dying.  How do I get over the fear of 'detaching' from my old self.  I think that inside, I am reallly fearful of beginning a completely new life.  I don't look at eating raw as just a diet, or even a lifestyle change, but a literal 'life' change.  I won't be the same person anymore.  I am okay with that, as I'm not overly thrilled with myself now, but I am still scared.  My husband is along for the ride, but we are both in the same position.  The crazy thing is how we are raw for a few weeks, and feel sooo incredible, but then a situation comes up, and va-voom!...back on crap.  I watch myself grab something cooked and put it into my mouth, and it's like I'm watching a horror flick!  It is so wretched, and everytime I do it, I feel myself die a little.  Sure, sure, most will think I'm being over dramatic, but this is how I deeply feel.  It's not about 'guilt trips', or being 'hard on myself', it's about the knowledge I have about what I'm am actually doing to myself.  I know it is wrong for not only me, but for everyone around me, and for my future children.  What is going on with me?  I just need someone to talk to, besides my hubby.  Don't get me wrong, he's wonderful, but I don't feel like he is a different person, but instead just an extension of myself, and visa versa, if that makes sense.  Can someone please talk to me, and try not to say, "don't be so hard on yourself, just do your best."  I don't want that, I know that my best is eating all raw (relative to 80/10/10) and I'm not being hard on myself, I am just trying to figure out how to get myself out of this emotional rut.  Any advice is much appreciated.  I could really use a/some friend(s) who won't judge me for eating 'irrationally', according to 'science.'  Thanks everyone.