Thanks for all your supportive replies

I knew that on this forum where people are making informed, personal and individualistic choices regarding their healtha nd eating habits there would be other women who would understand or would have already choasen to make similar choices around birthing. I birthed my first son naturally after a 52 hour labour...the last 5 of which were at the hospital becuase my son's dad freaked out and rang an ambulance when I wanted to birth at home unassisted. THis time my new partner is all for homebirthing and wants a lotus birth..as do I. And I'm confident to birth at home without a midwife, what's coming up for me at present is the realisation that I don't even really want him here!! I truly want to be ALONE with the baby so I cna focus on us and our journey of birthing together and not be distracted by anyone. And yet I know that he is so keen to be at the birth and to experience it with me.
This dance of balancing our individual needs/wants with those of being in relationship with others is coming up for me in a big way at present. My partner Martin, myself (5 months pregnant) and my almost 5 year old son from a previous relationship have all just moved in together and I'm finding myself really challenged on how to respect myself and my own body clock and biological urges (like when to sleep and eat and exercise) and my primal mothering instincts and how to be in relationship with a man who's own needs and biorythms and habits are so different to mine.
I'm confused as to how to meet our needs for self and at the same time how to meet the needs of a family/relationship. I had basically worked out how to be a mother and still have myself and now I have added a man and soon to be another child to this equation and feel like I'm floundering. The thought of parenting two children alone actually scares me less (and in many ways exhilerates and enlivens me) than the experience of how to mould my life with my partner. If you hadn't gathered, I'm pretty damn independent and confident...and I have seen and still see few examples around me in my community or our culture or others for that matter, where people have successfully mixed being in relationship, honouring self and nurturing a family.
I'd love to hear how other's have or are experienceing this or similar...