Hey thanks everyone!
Been having MAJOR computer probs these last few days...dont know how long I will be able to be online now before comp shuts down...just so you know, I am not avoiding you all, and you Jen...sorry love, each time I saw your msn...the comp shut down...so not avoiding you my lovely sister!
Lots has happened these last few days....I have been way down low, basically at 0...no faith or hope and so discouraged, cursing god and having doubts about everything I believe...my core values and faith...not a good place to be when low...
Though it is healthy to re-evaluate your beliefs from time to time!
anyhow, it seems that the powers that be were testing me, or teaching me about patience and faith, cos after I was doubting all I beleive...and once I reached 0...and gave up, things feel into place and...well, have got better.
I think that sometimes we have to put aside our own pride and allow God/universe to work with us and teach us...and the thing that brought me down, was basically I couldnt cope with certain things and felt that I had to be a superwoman and do everything and be everything, I was prideful in not admitting within, and acting out that I was capable, when I wasnt, not yet anyhow.
Now I feel deeply humbled and sorry that I complained against the higher power, when it was a deep teaching experience...I am thankful that life ia a journey of learning and evolving....every thing has an opposite... positive and negaitve...all for our benefit. I guess some of this isnt making much sense to the reader, whom doesnt know what I have just been through...to paint the mental pic, but makes sense to me and I just need to get it out while words are flowing.
I did for a while give up on being the raw motivator for the family...It seemed like it got too hard, I slipped up with my eating again...emotional crap and I give in to eating as the easy answer, fix all if you would...but it NEVER works to make me feel better, just weak and evan more dependent on my drug...cooked carbs, high fat and processed sugars...when the easy and logical answer would have been...eat more fruit!
I am missing my full raw house, having everyone here was awesome and really motivating, and so much easier to be raw when others have like minded values and ideals...hubby is very supportive of me, always has been when it comes to raw, but for himself, is a huge meat eater and cooked foods man, which is his choice, I cant force him...his choice and I love him regardless of what he eats...to say that it doesnt affect me, well that would be a lie, cos I love to look after him and prepare meals for him, I take pleasure in loving him...I just find it very two faced for my own values...reasons for not eating meat...and there I am cooking a piece of animal for my loved one?
!! makes sense eh...NOT!
I went back to old times with the children too, when I felt overwhelmed with certain stuff, it was sooo much easier to just give them the stuff that other kids eat...you know, chips and biscuits...shop bread and some takeaways...and whats sad is that they LOVE it and think you are the best parent, your not the mean mum who wont give "treats" to her children...and so the cycle begins again. What is annoying is that all this excuse for food is so convinent and and easy...easy to throw packet of crisps into a lunchbox with chicken feathers bread and a few biscuits, piece of fruit....it is so easy...in no time at all they have a lunch that looks like everyone elses and is loaded with crap and poisons...arrgh, why does it have to be so easy!
Raw living takes time...takes time to prep food for your family...meaning crackers and cakes, gourmet meals at night....and I hear harleys words ringin my head...lol "doesnt take time when you eat mono natural simple foods"
Its simple enough for me to do for myself...but for the whole family, extreemly challenging...and hard when family want to be like eveyone else and live the "norm"
I do admitt that my children and hubby are pretty good when it comes to fresh raw organic foods, they love it but I think they love the "other" stuff we used to eat a bit more....being cooked does have appeal, the smells, the prep...the presentation...but it is more to it than that, it is not living how nature and god created us...raw vegan is the answer and the way...on so many levels it proves it is right.
Wow, what a rant, very erratic and sorry if it doesnt make sense...
I guess old habits die hard...they put up a fight...but I am stronger and will win!
BB
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