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'Traditional' marriage vs Commitment Ceremony vs ...?
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« Reply #30 on: Wednesday 10 October, 2007 »

Some great posts in this thread. Very thought-provoking. One of those subjects where you agree with everyone even if it's not for you.

Thanks to all for your best wishes (never seen your romantic side before Harley lol).

*WARNING: Long Post (and much of it is about my wedding) ;-)

I tend to agree that you don't need a wedding ceremony tradtional or otherwise...but...every circumstance is unique. I was married "traditionaly" when I was 22 and it lasted 18 months. Married for all the wrong reasons etc. I swore then I would never marry again and lost complete faith in and respect for the whole deal.

For that matter I don't believe you need a partner at all to be happy...some people seem to "need" someone in their life and that can lead to making compromises with less-than-happy outcomes.

How to explain this without it coming out wrong...this is pretty personal and hard to find the right words...so I hope it makes sense.

I didn't "need" to marry Cindy to make our relationship mean anything more than it already does. But over the six or so years we have been together it slowly started to dawn on me that the concept of marriage meant something to her.The little things, like how you get introduced to other people etc...The fact that society doesn't consider her an "attractive" lady (and she doesn't)....some quite subtle stuff that affects the view she holds of herself...I dunno, I'm gettin a bit lost trying to explain this...

Cindy never ever nagged about this subject but for some reason it was in the background.

I had a long talk to a mate of mine about this and he summed it up like this, " John you love Cindy and you're going to spend the rest of your life with her right?.....yeah...so ok marriage means Jack to you but it seems to mean a lot to her? ...yeah....so why not marry her...is it possible you're just being a stubborn p**** about this"?

Long story short I came to the conclusion that me marrying Cindy was an act of love towards her...that I would forego my views and stance on the subject for her.

So from the ground up I (we) planned a party. A celebration. A marriage ceremony the likes of which anyone who attended will never forget. And we succeeded in spades.

We researched and wrote the entire ceremony and vows. We researched our celtic heritage. In celtic law and ceremony there is no divorce. You are together for life.

We set this place up with marquis and family crests and...well I'll post some pics at some stage.

We had a piper,(who ended up staying for the party), a muso who arrived at 10.00am was booked till 11.00pm and stayed till 2.00am. During the evening the piper and the muso got together and did some stuff. Awesome to hear the bagpipes and a one man-band play together.

An artist set up to do ink brush drawings of anyone who wanted them was booked from 6.00-11.00pm and was still there standing at 1.00pm with names on the whiteboard still to be done. After 7 hours on his feet fully focused doing drawings he tried to soldier on but it was game over for him.

Ever seen the movie "*tail" with Tom Cruise and Bryan Brown? We had a crew up from Sydney to set up a *tail bar and do a full on flare show for the night. I was very dubious about serving *tails at a wedding...particularly at home. Had a chat with the bar crew and it was up to me If I wanted to shut the bar down at any stage so I went ahead.

They were booked till 11.00 pm and were still serving *tails @ 1.30 am. This crew has done shows all over the world and we broke some records. Most *tails ever served per head in any event they have done anywhere and best crowd ever. They were amased at the amount of alcohol consumed and no problems so they stayed till late and didn't charge us for the extra time because they were having so much fun. To me that was a tribute to the friends we are lucky enough to be blessed with.

One relative I had not seen for years asked me who we booked the function centre through because she wanted to book it...ummmm it's our home!

The cops turned up @ 1.30 am...noise complaint...geeez I thought i had all the neighbours onside lol. A few of the boys in kilts wandered out to talk to the cops and when they saw it was a wedding and winding down they were cool. The female police officer made the mistake of asking the boys what they were wearing under their kilts...

Anyway the point is we planned a party to celebrate our wedding in the most relaxed and fun way possible for everyone involved. The ceremony was short and sweet so the usual fidgeting and sudden interest in anything but the ceremony syndrome didn't occur. Let's face it...some (most ?) weddings are deadly boring affairs.

Many said on the night it was the best wedding they had ever attended and some said best social event of any kind they had attended and I'm still getting phone calls saying same. Amasing how much planning though goes into a relatively casual event ;-)

I'd say Cindy and I achieved our aim which was all we could ask for.

John





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« Reply #31 on: Wednesday 10 October, 2007 »

John Congrates on your day it sounds perfect.

Well I am one of those ppl that dont believe in a piece of paper. Everyone that matters around us knows we love each other and what is the point in spending all that money on one day where all you rellos get extremely drunk and dont remember it anyway.

I dont know why I dont believe in a piece of paper maybe cause I dont believe that Pete is my only soul mate. Is he my soul mate? I really dont know. Will not be with him foreverl. I love Pete and we have 2 soon to be 3 beautiful children and I will always love him for that reason. I just dont know. I believe I will find someone one day and our hearts will just intwine (sp?) like you are explaining Berry that is what I want but I know I will never have it with Pete. I also know that Pete will have the love and affection that he so wants I try my hardest to give it to him but I know from his point of view it isnt enough and same as me he doesnt give me enough. this is hard to explain it like we are not getting enough cause he isnt the right person to be giving it IYKWIM. I know Pete and me and of course our children will be happy I just dont know if it will be will all of us living under the same roof.

this has really made me think Freedom. Please everyone dont get me wrong that is just the way I love Pete dearly but are we ment to be together?

Good luck to everyone and whatever they decide to do with their relationship.

Love angie
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« Reply #32 on: Wednesday 10 October, 2007 »

John, what an extremely wonderful day for you and your wife, with all the important people in your life sharing that day with you.......and others who joined in and had a fabulous time too.  Next time you want to have such an extravagant event, I'll serve behind the bar.......do anything, just to get that exclusive ticket to the event!!!!  LOL. rofl rofl

My heart goes out to both of you, and it says so much when someone can put aside their beliefs for a time to make someone else happy.........you are a great person.  And even though we have not met personally, I wish the both of you neverending happiness.   I've heard this saying before and have kept it close to my heart which I sincerely hope for you both:  May the best days from your past be the worst days of your future!!!

Cindy, congratulations and wishing you a life full of wonders and love.

Take care

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« Reply #33 on: Wednesday 10 October, 2007 »

Thanks for telling the story of your wedding John. It sounds wonderful. I really enjoyed reading that.

Also I'm impressed that you got married for the sake of your partner. Very selfless and giving of you.
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« Reply #34 on: Wednesday 10 October, 2007 »

I'm so pleased to hear about your wedding John.  It really was different wasn't it?  I wish I could have been there too.  I'm very happy for you both, but particularly for Cindy.  I think a wedding is more the bride's day than the groom's - he's just there for decoration and for the bride to lean on in a few pictures I say Wink

David and I were totally traditional.  We met when I was only just turned 16 and he was heading for 18 and dated for 2½ years.  We married when I was 18½ and he was just turned 20.  We married in a traditional church with a traditional priest and had a reception in a reception centre adjoined to a tavern, and have never looked back since.  That was 32 years, 9 months and 6 days ago and we would never take back a single moment of it.

I guess we married because back then, in the olden days, it was the done thing.  We wanted to be together every moment and marriage was how it was done then.  We have Christian beliefs and wanted it to be done in a church.  I was also very happy to get rid of my maiden name, Smith.

We've never considered renewing our vows - not knocking anyone who wants to, but we feel we got it right the first time and don't want to jinx it LOL

The only untraditional thing about our marriage was that David's parents and sister did not come along.  I wasn't good enough for their David - though they realised after a while that they had been wrong and now we all get along really well.

Love
May
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« Reply #35 on: Thursday 11 October, 2007 »

sounds great john, wish u health, happiness, dreams fulfilled and a life of rich adventure together!

ps

the word they took out b4 tails in your post actually makes the post read quite funny

les
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« Reply #36 on: Friday 12 October, 2007 »

Wow what a beautifull thread Freedom well done!

Beautifull stories eveeryone!!! Harley you are a rawwwing genious and BerryBliss wow what a romantic love story one only dreams of stuff like that good to know they exist.
I must say I dont have much to contribute cos I am a single gal and still looking.
But I would go traditional .
What worries me though is now that I have found raw...how would a possible partner who hasnt found raw react?...I guess I have been around too many meat eating blokes.
I guess we have to think about the non raw people in the world too .Smiley

By the way I know this sounds corney but if anybody does know any raw blokes with a greek backgrd let me know.  yahh
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« Reply #37 on: Friday 12 October, 2007 »

Thanks for posting about your wedding John. What a fantatsic event it must have been. It was fun just to imagine it in my head!

Alegne - what a beautiful natural photo of you! I wish I knew how to pronounce your name (you know when you read in your head and if you are pronouncing it wrong it is really hard to get out of the same habit) but I guess its silly to ask over the net.
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« Reply #38 on: Friday 12 October, 2007 »

Kelly i adore your new pic,you look totally stunning babe..

i believe its pronounced.(ell-lene-nee),but the first part,ell,is said quite 'shortly' and of course with an accent...right Alegne?Huh

John awesome,sound like it truly rocked,lol..
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« Reply #39 on: Friday 12 October, 2007 »

Thanks RGG  kiss. You are wonderful. xoxox
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« Reply #40 on: Friday 12 October, 2007 »

hehehehhe rofl
Hey guys I have had trouble with my name alllll my life both first name and last you dont want to know my last name it contains 15 letters  yahh .

RGG and Kelly both of you look fabulousss in your pics.
RGG I love the fact that you could go that short with ur hair look soo good its must have been soo liberating I would love to do that but I have a little this narrow face and my wavy hair is my security blanket
Aaa leggg ni = Alegne  its actually my name back de front "E"ngela yes with an e bet you havent met many Engelas with an e  laugh See on this forum its chock full of amazing things .
There you go the secret is out  laugh .

I admire Oprah ( she calls her production team Harpo) so thats where I got the idea and  I like it cos its different and it reflects my personality.

Evern though I dont get a chance to write in the forum as often as I would like I still look forward to ur posts RGG
XXXXX

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« Reply #41 on: Saturday 13 October, 2007 »

Hey Freedom

How ya doing girl?

Good question. Carl and I were married at home in the backyard by a celebrant and we wrote the beginning of the ceromony ourselves based on our spiritual beliefs. I don't know actually how we came about doing it we were only together for 2 1/2 months before we got married with no engagement and Carl didn't believe in traditional marriage but it happened.

We knew we were mean't to be together we were/still are Soul Mates and had and will always have a very deep spiritual connection.

I don't think I would ever marry in the traditional sense again. The idea of a Handfasting Ceromony sounds nice but I don't think Mark and I will ever go down that road. We are deeply connected and will be together for the rest of our lives so it doesn't really matter anyway. Besides we have the same last name anyway so know one who doesn't know us will know anyway.

Love & Hugs
Tracey
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