Hi Ladies,

I'm just wondering who else here has had a free or unassisted birth as this is what I am planning for the birth of Bhala at Easter next year. For anyone who doesn't know what it is, it means birthing at home without the presence of a midwife or obstetrician.

I have no urge to have people around me when I'm in labour and want to be alone or just with my partner masssaging and toning and doing nipple stimulation to help me dilate. I find with people around it's too arousing and distracting as I'm such a social person and also feel other's expectations on how I "should" labour. I just want top be left alone to tune into my body and the baby and dow what feels right.

Anyway, would love to hear from people who have birthed this way, are intending to birth this way, or those who are freaked out by the concept and feel the need to share their fears with me.

Thanks,
Georgia

I am not pregnant at the moment, but am planning to be by Christmas next year. I have looked into this myself and am considering going down this route, if not then at home with a midwife.

I saw the most beautiful picture of a woman giving birth unassisted on the net the other day. The baby was born straight into her arms. If you can handle it, are confident, have support and have a strong body & health then more power to you I say. That picture really inspired me, I felt so empowered as a woman. I spent the evening raving about it much to the amusement of my husband who told me to calm down, I wasnt there yet! 
I hope I dont have any difficulties and am able to give birth like that.

With the exception of emergencies/difficult pregnancies, I feel like doctors and hospitals actually create a negative and stressful environment to birth, when it is actually the most natural process. They strip women of their confidence that they cannot birth without assistance. But its what we were meant to do. We can do it.

I've read many stories about unnecessary surgeries and practices that caused stress during delivery, when if left to her own instincts the mother could have birthed naturally.

I am in admiration of your strength to give birth this way, your choice, the most natural way. I really look forward to you sharing more with us when the time comes!

xox Chelle

I am having my first baby at home, with just Gary, and a midwife present.

If all goes according to plan, the second child will be born unassisted.

I would like this first baby to be born unassisted too, but Gary is reluctant. (Im secretly hoping to only ring the midwife at the last moment!) 
X

Hi Georgia

I've had 5 homebirths out of 6. The first was a homebirth transfer but that was because the midwives I had were still working in the hospital systems as well as homebirthing and were too system.

My second was born with just a friend and midwife present. My third was born with another friend present and he came before the midwife arrived. The next 3 were all born just in the presence of my midwife.

I've had the same midwife for all 5 homebirths and she is wonderful and doesn't interfere in any way and just lets you go with whatever you want to do.

I thought about unassisted homebirth a lot with my last pregnancy (she is now 2) but my late husband was a very traditional man in his cultural beliefs and birthing was 'women's business' and I never had anyone else around that I could trust and rely on so I went with my midwife.

I believe that birthing is a natural process and definately believe that doctors and hospitals have no place in the birthing process of a normal healthy pregnancy and birth with no complications. I never saw any doctors with any of my pregnancies except at the hospital with the birth of my first.

I know for sure that if they had left me alone to trust my body he too would have been birthed at home.

It is wonderful that you have chosen to birth unassisted. The power of the 'Warrior Women' in all of us.

Love & Hugs
Tracey

Hi OG,

Well, I congratulate you on knowing what you truly want in your births.  I myself did it the 'traditional, accepted' way in today's society.....in a hospital with a midwife and doctor.  But I don't regret it because at that time, that was the only way I knew how to give birth.......and I wanted/needed someone there who had more experience and knowledge than myself that if something went wrong, they were on hand.

To this day, I don't regret doing it that way.  If I were to give birth today, I would probably still want someone on hand in case something went wrong.......but that says more about my fear than it does about homebirths.

As for a balancing act..........speak to any woman with kids and a hubby/partner and they will tell you it's not all green grass.  I too was/am going through what you're going through at the moment....trying to balance your needs/wants with the kids' and the hubby's/partner's needs.

This certainly is an individual journey for everyone........but the feelings we have as women are the same.  We want to be nutured, loved, given our choices and respected.  We want to be acknowledged for our strengths and our sacrifices.  But what my hubby doesn't understand is that if I get that from him, his return is ten-fold. 

My main aim is to be the best I can be within myself, then I can invest more into family.  But I have come to the conclusion that I need to be confident and comfortable in my own skin, and be happy with the children.  Then, and only then, if my partner can bring a deeper goodness to my life, then we'll be happy.  I too want to bring happiness to his life, but not at the expense of my own.......which I have been doing for years and years......and STILL doing.

My hubby met me when I was 18.  We married when I was 21......that's 13 years ago.  He expects me to be the same insecure girl from way back then.......and I'm not......and I don't want to be.  He's scared that me changing is the result of me wanting to find someone else (even though I have assured him that it's not the case, and I'm working on us being together).  He needs to understand that I want to be ME in THIS relationship, and if I can't be, then it's not the best I can give.......and I'm not being who I am.

OG, have you talked to him about your fears? About your confusion?  Don't get me wrong, I believe in all relationships, we need to compromise to make the other happy, but that compromise needs to come from your heart......and it needs to come truly willingly.  Talk to him honestly. Communicate, communicate, communicate.......

And one last thing which I find extremely important........don't EVER measure your relationship with others you see around you.  Yes, by all means learn from them, listen to them, love them.......but never compare yourself to them.  It's not helpful to you or your relationship.  Just because you haven't seen people around you succeeding in what you want to achieve, it doesn't mean it's not achieveable.....and it DOESN'T mean YOU can't achieve it.  You may be that beautiful, rare case where everything falls into place for you.

We've all seen how celebrities can fake how well their relationships are going.........but that illusion doesn't just affect the celebrities.  We are not immune to pretending everything is going well in our lives.  Who you think are the 'perfect' couple are probably the couple that have the most problems behind closed doors.

OMG, I can't believe how much I've written.  So sorry for the rant and rave, but this has touched a nerve with me because, as I said, I'm struggling with this sort of battle........but I intend to win it.

Take very good raw care of yourself.....

Luv

Rita

Yep, it's a challenge isn't it Jen! Such a balanacing act of self-respect and nurturance and also nurturing the relationship and respecting your partner!! And once the baby is born and you go onto it's cycles of sleep and feeds and play, you may find it even more out of synch with Gary's. Good luck and if you feel the need to chat please do PM me. As you've said before, we've had similar past health history's and now we're travelling a similar path again...weddings and babies. I'm due 6 weeks after you. How's the pregnancy going? Are you back to all raw or still finding it hard?

hi georgia

my 2nd child was birthed unassisted.  i too wanted to be completely alone, yet wanted dp to be part of the experience.  it worked perfectly.  i'd arranged support of 2 midwives willing to come, if required, at a phone call, or to advise over phone, & one had offered to sit in her car outside until/unless invited in. wasn't necessary, but i'm glad i did this, only because it gave dp total peace of mind that SOMEONE could help if he felt unable to deal with an emergency. and his peace of mind left him free to support me 100% with out fear/worry

he was in the shed working for 2 hours of labour, then came in & took care of heating, bath, & held me when i stopped to rest. essentially i had the solitutude i'd craved + the silent support i needed.  he mostly sat quietly in a corner till i yelped to quick come & catch baby (i was in an awkward position). 

i found awesome support at purebirth-australia.com and bornfree.com.  + there's some great books on the topic.

oh Sam,you are beautiful......

so right on.....