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Jen's blazing through 2008!
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Author Topic: Jen's blazing through 2008!  (Read 23124 times)
RawGreenGoddess
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« Reply #270 on: Monday 21 July, 2008 »

ah well done on being so grounded my love...something we strive for daily hey....talk tomorrow?
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"I knew I could never hold that girl.
She was born to see the world.
All I've got is a picture she mailed to me,
Barefoot in the snow white sand,
a bag of sea shells in her hand.
She finally found a paradise it seems."

--Kenny Chesney. Smiley
Jenergy
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« Reply #271 on: Tuesday 22 July, 2008 »

Would love a chat when you have the time luff!

Tonight was interesting for me. Something big has shifted in me in the last coupleof weeks. I've been challenged on many levels and feel that I have grown. Somehow. I cannot define it. There are no words!

Tonight... my happiness bubble, my sureness bubble, busted! I was raging with no good cause. I kept it together for hours. Just radiating resentment and anger toward my family. I didn't say a lot because it's not their fault. there was no trigger. I just went from happy to angry.

At about 8 I knew I was going to have an eating time. A binge. I was annoyed with myself actually because I thought I had attracted it by focusing on bulimia lately. It's came up a lot in my life the last few weeks and I've been dwelling on it in my own time. But tonight I gave myself permission to eat whatever I wanted. And I did. And it lasted all of two minutes. What the? Yes. I ate what I wanted. And the urge to binge left. Along with the anger. I wouldn't even class what I ate as a meal. Perhaps half of a meal.

"Bugger" I thought.... "I've suppressed".

But I hadn't. It was like the food washed away the anger and let the sadness out. I had a big teary time and then I was fine. Full, tummy a little uncomfortable but happy again. And for the first time in my life, I gave myself permission to overeat and didn't.

I don't know what shifted in this last two weeks but I have definitely turned a corner. Moved from there to here. I never ever thought I would have the urge to eat that way and it would evaporate before I had the chance.

I have shifted. I put this down to my over all internal, emotional, and mental healing.

This will probably read a little jerkily. I'm just trying to define it. Then I can share it. But perhaps I am not supposed to label this. Perhaps it's an exercise in acceptance. Accept this gift!

Well... Ok.

xoxoxo
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« Reply #272 on: Tuesday 22 July, 2008 »

It's all an evolution babe. A letting go. Maturing. Whatever you label it. It's living.
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Robert Holden
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« Reply #273 on: Tuesday 22 July, 2008 »

Smiley
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« Reply #274 on: Tuesday 22 July, 2008 »

Jen - two words. Rock star.  You are a rock star.  As always, I am in awe.
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« Reply #275 on: Wednesday 23 July, 2008 »

Oh oh! Don't be in awe. I was up half the night on the loo as my body reacted to what I had put in it. Shock I tell you. I used some affirmations though to deal with the pain I was in but feel very very blah today let me tell you!

Must find a better way to get past this anger next time it arises.

Am even happier now that I didn't go through with a full eating episode. Ouch....

xoxoxox
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« Reply #276 on: Wednesday 23 July, 2008 »

Nope, I am not in awe of the pain.   laugh

((((((jen))))))

But..... your open and honest sharing of your ups & downs that you post here - that I believe inspire, support and assist others - I will always be in awe of.

So, there!  Tongue
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« Reply #277 on: Wednesday 23 July, 2008 »

thanks for sharing Jen, I have been a bit down and a bit angry with the thought of the upcoming fast and the almost surity that i will have to give up swimming simply because i cannot get to a pool regularlylately, and cannot see that changing.  I have been walking and have felt as if i could walk all day.  I do enjoy it but i love swimming as well.  I was awake the night before last at 1:30 am and wanted to go for a walk along the beach   shrug  wierd!
It seems to me when i ponder this, that no matter how we conciously think of  the benefits of being raw and the delight of eating raw food, that subconciously being raw can cause these reactions because we may be feel deprived.  It is my understanding that this also happens to people who have to "diet" as well, sort of a poor me thingy.  They either get depressed or angry.  And that is normal, it is if we stay like that that it becomes a problem?

 So well done, like you said saying it is ok to eat and over eat and then realizing that you dont really want to do that .......... diffuses the tension and life regains its rest again.
Well done Jen.   yahh
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« Reply #278 on: Wednesday 23 July, 2008 »

Point taken Miss G! LOL.

Frangi, this deprivation things is something that I have strived to avoid. In the past the feeling of deprivations has lead to all sorts of misbehaviours! Bulimia, overeating, smoking or drinking. Yes I know it's silly to go to the bottle shop and get myself a half dozen cans of vodka so I won't eat XXXX but hey! Alcohol has no fat and that was my logic at the time.

Interesting little beings aren't we!

Rest day today. I did some study first thing this morning which was nice. I studied until my eyeballs were raw! Teehee. Then at about 2.30 I hit the sack. Went to sleep and was awoken by my son not long after.

I was talking to someone the other day who said that when they are not well it's the only time they don't like living alone. I say, when I'm not well it's the only time I wish I lived alone! Brock has turned into the loudest person in the universe. Sigh. Ah well. We'll all be in bed soon.

xoxoxo
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RawGreenGoddess
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« Reply #279 on: Thursday 24 July, 2008 »

wheres those ear plugs you told me about girl....plug em up gal...sleep well...you amazing woman of growth...mwah!
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"I knew I could never hold that girl.
She was born to see the world.
All I've got is a picture she mailed to me,
Barefoot in the snow white sand,
a bag of sea shells in her hand.
She finally found a paradise it seems."

--Kenny Chesney. Smiley
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« Reply #280 on: Thursday 24 July, 2008 »

Ha! Thank you RGG. And thank you for the phone call too. Vay vay uplifting!

My neighbour came over this morning to ask a favour. She told me that she had been up all night on the loo with a bucket. Woke up exactly like me. Hmmmm. My daughter and her daughters were playing on the weekend and three of her four children have had the same thing... hmmm.

Just proves to me that not everything is as it seems. I thought I was reacting to ze foods that I ate. Not so! I had a tummy bug. And my symptoms only lasted three hours. My neighbour has had symptoms all day. I feel so lucky!

I'm reading two books at the moment. The Wisdom of Florence Schovell Shinn which is an excellent excellent book on manifesting and Yogananda's epic Autobiography of a Yogi. This is one of the best books I've ever bought. My mother thinks it's one of the most boring books on the planet. LOL. But she has no doubt read it all before in other books. Yogananda was an amazing individual. I'm so grateful that  I have his book.

I'm becoming more and more convinced that diet is just a small part of our life. Small but very important! Like the wheels of a truck. The truck's wheels are small in comparison to the rest of it aren't they! But without the wheels it can't go anywhere.

I'm glad that I've found this starting point. I truly feel like I am forging ahead. My most important focus right now is to relax. Do things in a relaxed manner. Relaxation and faith in myself and the universe. Awesome!

xoxoxo
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« Reply #281 on: Thursday 24 July, 2008 »

Hi Jen
it is as you say 'all is not always as it seems' glad to hear that your immune system is strenthening and tht you are feeling well again.

Yes I agree that the feeling of being deprived is not one to dwell on 'cause as you have shared briefly that it has led you to far deeper depths than i have ever experienced and never want to experience.  The mind does do many stupid things to 'make us feel good' strange and wonderful creatures that we are.
Being Raw and having the amazing abundance of beautiful fresh raw food available to us is more of a 'blessing' than being deprived. 
May be another way to look at it is that those on the SAD and cooked foods are deprived of the brilliant colour and variety that we enjoy daily.  It really is learning to think in another way....
(()) frangipanni
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« Reply #282 on: Saturday 26 July, 2008 »

I enjoy the colour and brightness of raw food too. Gosia posted some photos in her journal and they are so pretty!

Well it's 3.30 in the morning. I'm bored outta my skull and wide awake! I went out with a friend this arvo and had mint tea. Three pots of it! I had water as well... but mainly tea. It's somewhere that I have been going for ages. My third pot arrived and it tasted like normal tea. So I asked what was in it. I'd already noticed that my hands were shaking slightly and thought it was odd... they make the mint tea with... are you ready?

Earl grey, chai, a sprig of mint and some kind of syrup! Shock. I was in such an adrenal state tonight! buzz buzz. Still cannot sleep. One pot was fine for me apparently but 3 was overkill. Don't care. Never having their tea again. Will stick to water. Or get a pot of boiling water and take my own teabags!

STill, have made the most of my time. I have spent a few hours playing with windows movie maker and feel like I've gotten that under control now. Lots of fun!

Going to hunt down a torch and read. I think I will be useless later when the kids get up. Might have to go and have another pot or three of 'special' tea! LOL. I don't THINK so!

xoxoxo
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BerryBliss
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« Reply #283 on: Saturday 26 July, 2008 »

Awwww my poor sweet sis, ....naughty tea!

What a combo hey...neva heard of mint tea being so complex...sheesh.

I suggest you go and wake up Bill, expel some energy there......


Just rest today...rest and sleep...

Sending a huge warm hug to envelope you in love

BB
XXX
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« Reply #284 on: Saturday 26 July, 2008 »

Hullo gawgess! Yers it was a long night I tell you! But I am perplexed. I had an invitation to visit a friend in Brissy and knocked it back because I was worried that I would get tired on the drive home. They are outside of Brissy so it's a long trip home on the M1 (motorway) if one is knackered! So I turned it down.

However the kids and I have just been for a bike ride. Our best yet. We had such a great time. It was 8-9km's and there were hills. I was so proud of myself I rode up every hill! Huzzah! Feeling fabulash as the divine Peebsie would say. One the way home I over took the kids to get home first (I'm such a child!) and then Bella all of a sudden did not want to race ahead of me. She was dragging me back (Better mother than I? Possibly...) and so I walked up the last hill. But apart from that I got it all together.

I've shot some video on my little camera. Brock has my heart in my mouth. He gets the speed wobbles. He's fallen off a few times. Nothing serious. He started off whinging when he fell off. After checking his 'injuries' we pretty much just laughed him back onto his bike and got him going again. Eventually he started to get up and back on the bike with no 'tears' so I made a big deal of his bravery. He rode along happily after that. He is such a drama king. No idea where he gets it from.

Caitlyn is so strong. She just rides ahead. She probably rode 10-11 km's today. She would double back to ride down a fun hill again or park her bike and go and get Brock and ride up a hill on his bike for him. What a gem! She fell off once and had a big grin about it.

I am so surprised that I still have energy. Perhaps it's because I've been active! If I was like a sloth on the couch (which I plan to be in about an hour) I would be knackered!

I'm having a delish GS now. One that I've not had in ages. Twas a favourite of mine when I first started. It's the celery, banana, date and water. Awesome!

Have a great day/night all!

xoxoox
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