Since I last posted I have had my back done - I'm still not quite sure what this guy does, but he does it well.  I have had scoliosis since childhood, and now after my second treatment my spine is straight.  And I know the emotional cause of it.  There was soooo much pain and suffering in my teenage years, and now there are feelings of grief, frustration and anger, so much anger directed at my parents, the doctors, the specialists who bombarded me with hundreds of xrays and beliefs about my body.......so painful to go through again now, but after a few days I'm coming out the other side of it.  I know these people thought they were doing the best they could, and now I feel ready to forgive them. 

I was fortunate to attend an Australian Bush Flower Essence workshop on Sunday with Ian White, the creator of these essences.  What a beautiful energy and teaching style this man has.  The workshop was 'Wellbeing for Women', and as a woman, working with women, I found it extremely powerful and encouraging.  There are so many simple treatments for all the different aspects of a woman's life, and I love connecting with others on this path.    

And I am now ready to have the mercury fillings removed from my teeth, another huge emotional and physical cleanse ~ bring it on.    There is a great dentist here who I know will look after my wellbeing.

I had a dream the other night that I was running, and I was so bad at it.  Then in my dream I stopped, took a deep breath and leant forward from the ankles, and started running smoothly - chi running in my dream.....is my subconscious trying to tell me something?  You betcha  heehee. 

Hey Jen thanks for stopping by, you know you wouldn't be able to see those qualities in me unless you have them in yourself.   

I'm a a place of quiet reflection this morning, and the fact that I'm fasting atm may have something to do with it.  The first two visits I had for my back brought out a lot of anger, a LOT.  Especially after Monday's visit, it came out on Tuesday afternoon and was all directed at my recent ex partner.  Boy was he lucky that he was out of town ROFL.  I went to my drumming class and belted my poor drum so hard my arms still ache.  Ouch. 

That left me clear for Wednesday which was my feng shui day, and we blessed and cleansed and I put my intentions into the clear space that was my home.  I love the syncronicity of it all, how the universe times everything so perfectly if you just let it. 

When I had my back appt last night, I released lots of emotions, but what was released was the tightness in my hip.  Steve told me that I had been covering that with my supressed anger, and now that anger isn't there I can really find my true self, my true being that I have been hiding all these years. 

I realised that I was still holding onto my ex in some way, and when I let go of that on Wednesday, I fully realised that there is something much better out there for me - everyone told me that, but I had to believe it for myself.  So yesterday was the first day I felt fully free, totally in my own power, and boy did my aura show it.  Everyone I saw, both old and new friends told me how great I looked, and I did.  And I have decided to fast on water and the occasional juice, no structure with this, just listen to my body and go with the flow. 

Today I feel like meditating all day, but have to go to work.  At least I have my colonic tonight to look forward to  .  Onward and upward - I think clearing is my middle name LOL.

Wow I just read your complete journal and you have been through quite a lot Sanghama.

I think you are doing amazing and just wanted to say "hi"

Light & love

* eve *

wow you say some amazing things! I guess you won't be at my house tomorrow afternoon then?  Did I forget to put you on the events list? Sheesh..... There's a pot luck at my place tomorrow. If you want to come let me know and I'll email you my address. Much apologeticness to you.

If you have received my email and decided to stay at home and work, well I understand that also!

xoxoxo

Our two pet rats died today.  I thought I was over my present challenges and now this.
Right now I feel devistated, and wonder if I'll ever stop crying. 

It's times like these I want a man around to help me, but I can do this on my own, it will be very sad, but I know I can cope.  Like the song says "I am strong, I am invincible, I am woman"

Their real mummy is my daughter who is away for the weekend for a concert, telling her will be the hardest part. 

They had a good life and were well loved, and will continue to be. 
 

It was very hot here today, and I guess it was too much for them, they just went to sleep and never woke up.  Lots of water for them, huge cage, lots of fresh air and a good breeze, in the shade, plenty of food - they had everything and yet I still feel it was somehow my fault.  Probably the single mother thing, trying to keep everything together.

I still want  a man who will put his arms around me and hold me tight, and tell me everything is going to be alright.  I want that strength and comfort right now, and realilse that it must come from me first, that if I crave something I need to find it in myself, and only then can accept if from someone else.  So I'm feeling a little better now, crying has abated for the moment and I have found that strength and comfort within me. 

The universe has set it up so perfectly for me to learn this lesson.  I really feel like this was meant to be, the energy in the house has changed so much this week, and their little souls felt the need to go.  My ex is an animal communicator. and would often tell me the spiritual meaning for an animal's passing.  So I understand this one, and thank my little friends for their assistance in my journey, and my children's journey too. 

I was chatting to a friend in the UK, and remembered that this is the Chinese year of the earth rat, and got upset when I realised that my rats would soon go back to the earth.  We chatted for a while and he asked me if my rats were indeed Chinese, and if they wore little pointy hats lol.  So I'll think of them with little hats on, such a cute thought.   

I'm releasing physically and emotionally atm, and am thinking of starting my juice feast tomorrow instead of March 1st.  So I'm off to the organic markets early in the morning.  I'm feeling spirit around me now, am not tired but will go and meditate/relax/sleep and receive what is coming through.  My body is ready to go to the next level of health and spirituality, and I must be able to give it the nutrition it needs.

And thank you Jen for your hugs, much appreciated.  Thinking of you too, and thanks for tempting me with your food pictures when I have decided to juice fast - hope it tasted as good as it looked.  Now I know the benchmark for your potlucks  .  Will have to pull my socks up in that area before the next one.  Am I on your VIP list now? 

I feel much calmer (karma) now, found some almond milk in the freezer, so had a warm cacao drink with extra agave, so grounding.  My version of hot sweet tea, yum.

You know, one of my friends once said that 'you don't know guilt until you are a mother' and it's so true. We beat ourselves up for no reason. Sacha has been amazed at some of the things he has heard about how I get down on myself for everything.

How did your daughter take it?

I am glad that you are feeling better today. I was intending to go to the drumming tonight but I haven't slept through the night for over a month and it's beginning to take it's toll. I recall this happening at around the same time last year. I'll be sleeping through again soon. It's that time of the year! No drumming tonight. I have promised Bill that lights will be out at 9.30. I intend to follow through this week.

Enjoy your juice feasting. I'm sure you will have fantastic results.

xoxoxo

Hi Sanghama,

Hope you are feeling better soon, I'm sure you'll have fantastic results too!

Warmly,
Nic