Thanks Angefish and berrybliss for coming in my journal, is wonderful that its inspiring, so good to be able to give some of that back.

Ive been so unwell over the weekend, could be detox, id prefer to tell myself it is, that way at least it feels like feeling bad is doing some good. Slept so bad sat night, didnt fall asleep till after 5am! When i got up i looked and felt like death warmed up, was an awful day. I couldnt even think about food, so i fasted, by the evening i was getting hungry but decided i may as well see out the day, fast track some healing, so spent the day sipping on warm honey and lemon water with plain water in between.

Today ive only had juices, im thinking about seeing how long i can last fasting, but am unsure now, i might break it tonight with a green smoothie. My sinuses feel terrible, is like really really bad allergies, i woke up feeling certain i had a cold but it hasnt gotten any worse over the day.

I actually feel better today than i have in the last week, but still really unwell. I feel like i might be detoxing a bit too fast, which is why im stuck and dont know what to do, keep up the fast and just battle out the detox, or slow it down and at least have a smoothie. Hmmmm, decisions decisions. Either way if i cave tonight, ill have gone 2 days, which is the most ive fasted before, so is probs a good start. Next time will aim for more.

The green smoothies have been great, are helping heaps, ive been having one or two a day since friday and it is helping alot. Friday i woke up really sick, and 2 smoothies later i wasnt 100% but was feeling alot better, had energy again and could function, unfortunately it seems these smoothies (i again had 1 sat and a green juice) are forcing some detox, but i guess its needed, so i shouldnt complain. Grrrr, cant wait till i have a healthy body, 100%.

My mother is in love with the green smoothies, she started having them about a week ago after i told her about them, and now shes addicted. She tells me she feels like shes come out of a fog, her minds clearer, eyes brighter, and her arthritis that had been getting worse has gone away.

Well since my decision to allow some cooked food, i havent really done it, im still eating predominantly raw. I did eat a bite of a gluten free pizza base to try it a few nights ago (the bit with no meat or cheese on it). I did actually really enjoy that bite, seemed so wonderful in my mouth, but i quickly went back to my salad and was enjoying that again.

Strange thing today, having the last few days increasing cravings for coffee, and today it was intense, i cant really figure out why. I havent had a coffee in a real long time, and had really not been wanting it at all, so this was bizarre. But i decided well ill just have it and im glad i did, it got rid of the intense craving so i could move on, i didnt enjoy it all that much, it was just ok so it possibly proved that im not missing out by not having it. It gave me a caffeine high which im not used to, and frankly i didnt enjoy the feeling which took hours to wear off and when it did i was incredibly tired. So hopefully that killed my strange coffee need.

Made a tasty mexican thingy tonight (have to call it a thingy since i made it up), with soaked rice that i lightly pulsed in a food processor before soaking) with corn, capsicum, spanish onion, and a salsa i made with lime juice, a small slice of a jalapeno, and cherry tomatoes, little bit of olive oil, and let it sit all mixed up for a few hours. Warmed it for serving (i accidently let it get too hot, but it didnt cook, i dont have a dehydrator, so doing this in a pot on a stove is risky, so i only occasionally do this). Served it on a bed of greens with some guacamole (pureed avocado and juice of half a lime), yum.

Am feeling kinda lost of late. Feeling the need to change directions with work, i think its mostly because im so disallusioned with medicine, continuing to work amongst it feels empty. I really want to work in nutrition, ideally private practice specialising in chronic illness clients. Or, head into research within nursing. Either way studying right now seems to make sense, if nothing else to keep me active so i keep improving. Just wish there werent so many options of how to go about what i want. Too bad there isnt someone that could just say this is the way, i hate decisions, especially important life changing ones.

I ate some cooked food today, and ewwww, lol.

Had a family function, real big event, was feeling kind of rude not eating, plus i was so sick in the morning i didnt prepare any food so i decided to have some plain veges thinking it would make me feel better.

The veges tasted like canned peas and corn, ick, and the potatoes were salty, so i left most of it and settled for two potatoes. I really thought id enjoy eating cooked potato, but i didnt at all, it didnt feel nourishing, felt no satisfaction in eating it whatsoever, hmm maybe would have been ok if they were nice potatoes, but when i told hubby they were too salty he told me im too fussy and i noticed everyone else seemed to be enjoying them.

Woke up real sick today, as bad as i could possibly feel and had to be on a day there was a big event. I ended up sleeping in the spare bed and missed most of the party. Was so sick i just didnt eat for ages, had tea and water until the potatoes, and had a sleep. Had nasty pain after lunch, unsure if it was the potatoes or not, it felt more like my period was coming but it hasnt. Unsure if the goats milk is causing some inflamation, have been having pain on and off the last two days, not bad, but enough to bother me and worry me. Will have to see what my period is like when it comes and decide if the milk is worth it or not.

After i woke up today i had two mashed bananas, yum, and got some very strange looks and questions at the party eating that one, lol. Personally i enjoyed them much much more than lunch.

If today has proven anything its that raw is the way to go, didnt think i would be so dissapointed with cooked food on this rare bout with it.

I did find the smell of garlic bread tempting tonight when pizza was ordered, but i think its just because ive been so sick all day and havent eaten nearly enough. So i munched on a fresh orange and mandarin while the others ate pizza.

Hopefully will wake up better tomorrow, have movie plans with my mother and dont want to pike.

Yay! Got my box of organic co-op produce today. All looks fantastic, not alot of fruit though, which is a bit dissapointing, but all quality, and did get some nice greens that arent growing in my garden. Also picked up some delicious organic olives from the co-op, and damn they are good, dont know if i could go back to coles deli ones after them, fantastic!

Made a delicious greek salad for dinner with my olives, yum, without doubt a greek salad is still my favourite meal, no matter how good i make anything else, hard to beat the good old greek salad (minus the feta of course).

Have been craving some cooked foods of late, strong cravings, now normally my willpower is exceptional, but havent been able to fight it as well of late, so ive had some cooked eggs and some cheese lately, hasnt made me feel worse, made me feel better.

Been really sick again of late, i guess must be a heavy detox, but luckily seems to have passed, so yet again have survived another detox stage (ive had so many now, lol). Dont want to dwell on the woes of detox, so ill just talk bout today.

Felt great today, had real energy, and got quite a few jobs done around the house, on top of making my trip out to the co-op. Plus did some yoga today, and the stretches felt fantastic, really hit the mark with it. I did yoga yesterday even though i didnt feel well determined to get back into exercise, which i easily fall out of the habit of when i feel sick, so i did it feeling bad, just not for long, and wouldnt you know it, i started showing signs of improvement yesterday arvo. So new goal, stick with an exercise routine, yoga at least 4times a week (i wont aim higher, i am slack on weekends because im busier).

Im starting to become a little sensitive to sprayed foods, sensitive as in taste, and can sometimes taste residues in my food, ewww gross. Not sure if im imagining it, but the non-organic produce seems to leave me a little unsatisfied, yet i ate one organic apple tonight when i was starving after being out, and felt satisfied, hmmm. So im trying to buys more organic again, i figure with the co-op, and 30bucks on organic stuff from the online shop, i should be able to eat most of my food organic.

Been so up and down of late, have had a bad run again, but mostly its because ive been overdoing it. June's been a busy month, alot on.

It took me 4 days to recover from a weekend at my sisters, but only 2 days to recover from a big football day which i thought would have been worse. The big football day i didnt handle at all, talk about overestimating what i can cope with, not really sure now what part of me ever thought id manage it ok, but lesson learnt, harsh reminder that even though ive made huge progress im still sick.

Ive applied for my postgrad course in nutriton, and now just have to play the waiting game to see if i get in. Really excited to be studying again, so fingers crossed.

Went for a walk today for the first time in ages, and crazily i wanted to run, which is bizarre because ive been pretty tired the last few days, but today i feel good again. Unfortunately the wrong shoes meant i couldnt run far, am going to have to look at finances, i think its time i bought some proper running shoes, might encourage me to attempt running sometimes. I used to run regularly as a teenager, so would be good to do again, but i used to live near the beach and could run there, but am thinking the odd drive out to the beach for a good run may be worth it if im having a real good day.

Apart from feeling good today, have been really feeling my limitations of late, i think ive had it in my head im better, because ive had a few fantastic days in the mix, but its been some harsh lessons to realise that those days are not yet the norm, but a treat. The treat days are inspiring, and make me feel like i can take on anything, so its a big comedown on the bad days to realise i cant do much at all.

Im still getting nothing from work, it looks as if ive been given one chance too many and have burnt that bridge, so have to start looking elsewhere, but am realising its still too soon to really be working, so im focusing on the fact that ill be studying (hopefully) soon and can get back to work later.

The cheese cravings i was having have dissapeared, but the coffee cravings have not, so ive purchased some good quality organic decaf so the coffee isnt so bad for me at least. On the plus side its helping me get off caffeine, as im going to tea less and less. I am concerned this addiction to hot drinks is slowing down my healing, but am trying to keep reminding myself its a small sin, and my body should be strong enough for it now. Still hopefully i can eventually deal with this addiction.

Im again trying to buy more organic, but budgets mean i usually only end up eating about 50%, but thats better than nothing i figure.

I ate some cooked pumpkin and sweet potato last night, mostly because i had alot sitting around and it was going to go bad, and the easiest way to use alot was to cook it. So i steamed it and put it in a salad, so it was still super healthy, just not all raw. I cant say i felt bad afterwards, in fact i felt fine, however i did have a strange feeling of imbalance that didnt go away till later when i had some raw seaweed. Had a strange craving for the laver i had in the cupboard that you can apparently eat as is, i ate 3 quarters of the bag, just munched away on it, and felt alot better after.

Definitely still on a high fruit diet, id say im at an average of about 15-20% fat, but am wanting nuts less and less. Often choosing a banana and some dried fruit over nuts to go with a cuppa, so am getting there. Really loving my greens, and dont feel quite right if i go a day without them, doesnt necessarily have to be a GS, but at least a very green salad.

I did what i consider a small shop at a fruit shop the other day, one id never been to, but i think its still a big shop by fruit shop standards, because the guy insisted on taking my stuff out to the car even after i assured him i didnt need help, and told me he likes to look after people like me because its clear i go out of my way to purchase from a fruit shop rather than the supermarkets, and how eventually all the small fruit shops would be gone if more people dont start doing what im doing. It almost made me feel guilty for purchasing organic stuff online and not giving more to the small businesses, until i realised they are all small businesses, even the online one. It gave me a nice warm feeling to know that my lifestyle change was helping so many. Its become a strange hobby of mine to 'check out' new fruit shops if im in the area, rather than just supporting one, ive noticed certain shops have better and cheaper of certain produce, it does mean not all my food is organic, but it is all at least quality.

Thankyou raw sensation, your a champ  I love your posts, always so positive.

Im glad my journal can be helpful to others, apart from helping me nut things out, is the other reason i do it.

Lol, yeah making things work for me is probs more accurate. I have to be like that, is the only way ive made progress.

Enrolled into my subjects today, doing lifespan nutrition and obesity prevention first. Unfortunately my subjects will be out of order because the basic nutrition subject is only avail first semester, but i think ill be fine, i already have a very good understanding of nutrition anyway from my own self directed learning ive done in the past year or so.

Excited to start, already started brushing up on my biology, and tonight went on to the uni site to learn a bit about the learning platform ill be using. It seems pretty easy.

Onto raw. Mmmmm raw food, ive come to the realisation that this diet is no longer work at all, i dont even consider cooked options anymore. I crave raw things more than i crave cooked, and when i crave cooked its generally because i can see it, smell it, or im hearing about it not because ive thought it up myself.

The part thats work is eating whats best for my body, meaning eating what makes me feel better, and avoiding what leaves me bloated or feeling off. I seem to have more gas after eating sprouts, but i dont eat them often, so not a huge problem, and i like them in my diet. They dont make me feel unwell or anything, but defo something best kept as not every day.

Been going crazy for bananas lately, and now i am actually a little sick of them. Unbelievable that i could ever get sick of them, fav fruit for sure, but ive had my fill lol, and i think a little time away from them might do me good and get me eating more variety.

Been having a litre of GS most days lately, am wondering if its why ive been so sluggish of late. Its been a fair while since ive had a really good day, just average days or feeling a little off, hmmm. Hopefully just detox but am really sick of feeling off, would love one of those treat fantastic days.

That time of month again, always a good point way to measure how im going, and well it seems still going good. I was unwell yesterday on day 1, but still better than usual, not as good as last time but better than previous times before that. The unwell was pretty mild but, just felt a little under the weather and not able to do alot, the pain was mild if it was there at all. Interesting find but, whenever i had citrus what pain i had pretty much dissapeared, the vit c must have been working like a real good anti-inflammatory. Needless to say i ate alot of citrus yesterday, lol.

Again very light flow.

Im trying to keep my fat consumption down, its easier than i thought to minimise fats, or at least easier than its previously been. Alot of salads i thought needed olive oil to taste good dont seem to need that anymore. However i still like to munch on a handful of nuts often, im trying to keep eating nuts for later in the day though, so im less likely to be eating large fruit meals after. Im hoping this will reduce my bloating, im still getting bloated, but it is less than it was. Today i didnt eat my nuts till well after dinner, so nothings sitting on top of them, its the best ive done yet, and i had no overts the rest of the day. I think the nuts thing really comes down to wanting something crunchy more than being about the fats, i dont have a dehydrator so it is the only crispy thing i eat (i rarely soak them, dont enjoy them soaked when ive tried).

Im wondering lately if i should get a dehyrdator to expand my options, but i know it would be a waste of money, since anything complicated i make now doesnt digest well and hubby never likes stuff like that anyway. So i guess is probs best i dont have one, still the occasional nut meat balls does sound appealing, or making the odd batch of biscuits, but am probs best to make do for the rare times id want to do that, i could manage. I can dehydrate on my heater, but im lazy and rarely bother.

Have a big order of organic fruit coming tomorrow, including an organic pineapple, which ive never had before, and kale which ive also never tried. Also some more tamarillo's, man im going to be upset when the seasons over for them, probs one of my fav meals lately.