As I become increasingly anxious about not creating 'food issues' in my children (I have spent a lifetime dealing with them myself), I am trying to find a balance in providing my kids with a healthy foundation and giving them the choice of what they eat.

We are a home learning/natural learning (I don't like the term homeschooling because we don't 'school') family and I have recently been opening to the idea of radical unschooling.  In my hazy definition, radical unschooling is about letting go of the 'control' and giving them freedom to make their own choice (with guidance).  I like to view it as being in partnership with my children to come up choices that suit our family.  By giving them freedom of choice with regards to food, it is suggested they will become less attracted to it (ie, the attraction of the forbidden fruit).  If all foods are available to them and nothing forbidden, then certain 'forbidden' foods lose their power and just become another food.

I am seeing this increasingly as my children get older.  When J (now nearly 6) was about age 2, I remember how he would just hover at the food table whenever we went to group gatherings (homebirth meetings, breastfeeding gatherings, etc.) and eat all of the foods that we didn't have in the house (eg, biscuits, cake, rice crackers, etc).  Anyone would have thought that I didn't feed the poor child!  It was easy back then to let him do this on the infrequent occasion (instead of making it into an issue to lock horns over) and then return to our healthy food filled home.  As they get older though they are more aware of the variety of foods around them and are asking for some of the foods to be invited into our home.

These days, ice cream is the big attraction.  Whenever we go out I am always asked if we can get an ice cream.  I have tried the frozen blended fruit option but they want the dairy option.  I have also tried having it in the house to see if it loses its 'power', but before I could complete the experiment I went crazy with watching them eat ice cream 8 times a day! 

It takes time for foods to lose their power and become just another option, but are there some foods that never lose their power?    I know for myself, when I eat something to satisfy a sweet craving I can't ever really satisfy it and look for more and more sweet stuff.  To overcome this I need to have a complete break (about 3 days) from the sweet foods I am craving to overcome these cravings.  The same with cheese and bread...when it is in the house the kids are constantly asking for it but when I can talk my partner into having a break from them, then they are forgotten about and everyone just finds other options.

So, by giving them freedom to choose rather than me telling them what they can have, will they eat what their body requires or will they just be feeding early developing addictions? 

My son hasn't got much of a sweet tooth but LOVES anything like bread, pasta, rice, etc. and will just eat these all day if given the opportunity.  Now, I am left wondering is this because he has become addicted to these foods or is there something in these foods that his body requires. 

I suppose I am really interested in people's thoughts on our role as parent/guide/facilitator for our children.  In trying to find the balance as a mother and as a guide for these souls until they can freely make their own choices without my assistance, I am constantly reminded of the following beautiful poem that many of you are probably familiar with:


My journey to have discovered the benefits of raw foods has taken me 35 years and its MY journey towards finding what is right for ME.  It doesn't necessarily mean that it is right for my children...what do you think?  The different platforms I have come to regarding 'what is healthy' makes me think that I don't want to be saying to them 'this is a healthy option', 'cooked food isn't healthy', etc.  Also, my partner eats meat (as well as many other people I cherish) and they believe that eating meat is healthy so it doesn't feel right to use the term what is healthy/not healthy.

I think another thing for me is that food and healthy eating are such a big focus for me (even though I still regularly put crappy foods into my body!) - maybe its my body's way of trying to mend the years of abuse it went through when I was younger.  I think I am probably creating 'food issues' in my kids by having so much of a focus on not creating 'food issues'!  When my son asks me to suggest to him what he can have for a snack, he now quickly adds 'not fruit or vegies' because I have put such a focus on them in the past that now he doesn't want to hear about them!  When I first discovered this happening, I completely stopped suggesting fruit and vegies and it took him a few days of completely not eating anything from these groups and then he slowly started re-introducing them.  I don't want to put so much pressure on them to eat raw that when they get older, they fully rebel and eat anything as long as it doesn't contain fruit or vegies in it!

If you have made it all the way to here, then thanks for reading as I express my thoughts.  This has become a bit of a ramble and I have asked lots of questions because I am really keen to hear different opinions and thoughts about a topic that is so important to me - guiding my children in the best way I can (for the highest good in all). I have wanted to post something about this topic for a few weeks but just haven't found the time and energy to put my thoughts into words.

Would love to hear others' thoughts on this topic.

Hugs,
Jacki
xx

Great question Jackie. As an unschooling mother of four children, I can totally relate to what you are saying.

Maybe suggest icecream only on weekends or something, preferably at home -- that way they’re still getting what they want and have no cause to worry if you’ll ever buy icecream again.

My kids eat high raw and have treats on special occasions. They usually want it less and less, and this is when I suggest a healthier option (like raw yoghurt in your case, still dairy but better than icecream). It may take months or years to do this, but at least you are giving them freedom while considering your family concerns.

I don’t recommend buying junk food where they could eat it all day and everyday. I did that with my children for 5 months and it was chaos. They definitely needed my guidance. It’s not like playing playstation or watching TV all day, food is additictive. Say no when you need to, and say yes, if you think if it will bring balance and harmony in your family.   

I have been looking for raw unschoolers. Where do you live?

Love and peace
Nic

yeah, 'treat' is not a good term, and neither is 'junk.' I could write 'denatured food.' Any other ideas?

Bummer, I'm in Brisbane, QLD. Nic xx

Yeah, I don't know either. Fuel is a good option Niqi, thanks. I guess that comes back to our own issues about food. I am slowly learning myself to view food as fuel. But OMG the emotional attachments!!!

Sunheart, there are some lovely AP and homeschooling mums in Brissy, though few of them are raw that I know of. But at least aware of additives and wanting to feed their kids more wholefoods. I will PM you with the link to a great forum if you're interested. If not, no worries. Perhaps posting a message in the QLD thread might get some replies too?

Niqi, so true about walking that fine line.

Remember not to be too hard on yourselves! You are all doing such a great job!

Hey Jackson, that is great news! 

Have you read Summerhill: A Radical Approach to Child Rearing by A.S. Neill? I found this book great for putting 'radical unschooling' in perspective. Many unschooling books are written from authors with only one or two children, so I could not relate to them. I felt their approach was more child-centred rather than family-centred, that Jean Liedloff expounded in her book Continuum Concept. It took me few years to get my head around ‘radical unschooling,’ and 12 years to find relief and inspiration that Summerhill brought in my parenting. I highly recommend these two books.


Yes, I am with two unschooling and natural learning groups.

Best of luck with your hubby, it took 10 years for mine to become a vegetarian, he thought I was a veggie basher.

Love and peace
Nic